Opportunities, Not Interruptions

Most moms I know have a [rough] plan each day, with some moms being more flexible about changes throughout the day than others. There are days packed with engagements, relaxed days, and every kind of day in between. Even those “lazy days” can be full of unplanned circumstances that can lead moms to bitterness and frustration as their expectations for the day are altered.

I want to share a radical story of what some may call an interruption to one mom’s day with the hope of showing that each “intrusion” can be an opportunity for God to work in and through us for His glory if we submit to Him.

There was a mom named Claire. She was going about her mundane day, carting her little ones home from a doctor’s appointment, trying to beat the clock to get them home for naps before they transformed into the monsters they become as a result of sleep deprivation. [All the moms said, “Amen.”] A woman walking on the side of the road, hunched over with her head down, caught Claire’s attention. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt drawn to this woman. The only explanation she could think of was the Holy Spirit prompting her to stop and offer a ride. This isn’t like her. She lives very cautiously, especially when her kids are with her. She called her husband to talk to him about it but found she was already turning the car around and telling him she was going to pick up this stranger. She stopped in the median and called out to the woman. Relief washed over the woman’s face as she ran to Claire’s car and climbed inside, asking if Claire knew where a certain road was in order to get this woman to her destination. Claire told the woman she was familiar with the area where the woman needed to go as she settled into the passenger’s seat. That’s when Claire noticed the dried blood on the woman’s face and shirt. She tenderly asked, “Are you ok?” The woman broke down, unable to speak. Claire told her, “It’s ok. I’m going to get you where you need to go. I’m Claire.” The woman looked up and, through the tears, said, “I’m Eliza.”

Claire turned the car back around and glanced over at Eliza when they stopped at the next traffic light. She told Eliza, “We can talk if you want to, but you don’t have to.” Eliza began to open up about the pattern of her life in meeting a guy, thinking he is wonderful, and having him turn out to be an abuser. The evening before, her boyfriend Kurt of four years hit her for the second time, leading to the blood on her face and clothes and her arrest when he called the police and his brother backed his story of Eliza hitting him first and him having to defend himself. Eliza now has two criminal domestic violence charges, though it is clear she is the victim, as evidenced by her black eye, bruised arm, and the dried blood. (She is also all of 100 pounds, and though Claire hadn’t seen the guy yet, she figured he was larger than Eliza.) Claire asked if Eliza was planning to go back to the house where Kurt was. She said yes, and Claire immediately offered to take Eliza to her home instead. Eliza felt going back to her boyfriend was her only option as her dog was there, and her dog is the only positive thing in her life. Claire continued driving, her heart growing heavier with each passing mile as she thought about leaving Eliza in this situation.

When they pulled into the semicircle driveway, Kurt was outside waiting, dialing the police to report her coming to his property, wanting them to arrest her again because he felt threatened, and sharing about how she hit him in the face the night before, though there was no indication of an altercation. Claire looked at Eliza and said, “If all you want is your dog, you can get your dog and get back in the car if you want to.” Eliza looked shocked and said yes, followed by, “What are you going to do with me, though?” Claire told her, “We’ll figure it out.” Eliza jumped out of the car and tried to get her dog from Kurt, who was holding the dog’s leash. Claire stepped out of the car and told Kurt he could let go of the leash now, and he did. Eliza dashed back to the car with her dog. Kurt, still on the phone with the police, stepped in front of the car. Claire, not one to think quickly on her feet, continued receiving wisdom from the Lord as she backed out of the gravel driveway, stirred up dust, and floored it before Kurt could make out the letters and numbers on the license plate. As soon as they were on the main highway, Claire started praying out loud what she had been praying silently: Lord, please give wisdom and discernment. Please protect us. Please bring much glory to Yourself.

Claire didn’t have anything figured out, so she decided she would go to her husband’s work to talk with him and determine how to proceed. On the way, Eliza opened up some more, giving Claire the privilege of seeing more of her tender and compassionate heart. Eliza was determined not to go back to Kurt this time. Eliza had a sister close by she was sure she could go stay with if she needed to, but she hadn’t been able to get in touch with her sister yet.

Claire’s husband Dan spoke with Eliza, and Eliza said that though she had heard everything before, the way he communicated was different as he told her many truths, including, “Kurt is a grown man; he can figure things out for himself. He will be fine. You don’t have to feel guilty. It is not your responsibility to fix him. Yes, he is a controlling and manipulative psychopath, but his biggest problem is that he is a sinner, and you cannot save him or change him.”

By the end of the conversation, Eliza took her dog to walk around while Claire and Dan spoke privately about what to do to help Eliza. With no reservations, Claire was ready to take Eliza back to their home and let her stay with them until she could get a job and secure her own apartment and phone while also paying off or working with a debt management company to cancel some of the debt Kurt racked up in her name on countless credit cards as another means to make her feel stuck with him. Dan, being even more cautious than Claire, hesitated as he said, “We don’t know her. Are you sure about this? What if something happens?” All Claire could think about was that as Christians, they were called to live sacrificially, even if it’s risky or foolish in the world’s eyes. She was reminded of an interview with Francis Chan on Focus on the Family about opening your home to those in need and saw this as an opportunity to be obedient and trust the Lord.

Eliza came home with Claire and her kids. Claire was given the chance to share with Eliza that she is created in the image of God and has dignity, value, and worth because God has said so. She shared about the love of God with Eliza, a love that resulted in action when Christ died and rose again on her behalf, a love that brings peace, hope, joy, and abundant life. Eliza was safe. Kurt had no idea where she was. She could rest and be renewed without worry, fear, or shame. She took a shower, put on clean clothes, and spent the afternoon outside with Claire, the kids, and her dog. She arranged with her sister to meet Claire later in the evening because she thought it would be best for her to stay with her sister and not be an intrusion any longer. When she said that, Claire’s heart stung as she thought about all the times she had seen “inconveniences” as interruptions or intrusions, instead of seeing opportunities.

After eating dinner with Claire’s family, Claire drove Eliza to a gas station where Eliza’s sister was waiting. Claire and Eliza exchanged phone numbers, and Eliza hugged Claire tightly, thanking her again for stopping to pick her up earlier in the day.

As she headed home, Claire kept playing over in her head statements Eliza made: “I wouldn’t have stopped to help someone who looked like me.” “You saved a life today. You really did.” “I will never forget you. Thank you for being the brave woman you are.” Claire didn’t feel like anything she did was brave or out of the ordinary, really. She knew that other people have the same desire to help people and, if they knew the circumstance, they would have intervened in Eliza’s situation. She knew some people would still consider what she did to be unwise, but she thought about James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” She thanked God for His protection and for the wisdom he supplied as she reflected on true wisdom. “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Proverbs 9:10 

For the past two years, almost daily, Claire had been petitioning the Lord to give her wisdom and discernment, and He generously granted both in this situation. There is no way to know what may have happened if Claire hadn’t stopped, but she knows that for now, Eliza is safe. She is still praying that Eliza will not return to the dangerous situation out of which the Lord brought deliverance.

Claire is also praying that the Lord will continue changing her heart to view even the slightest interruption as an opportunity. Moms, each blow out diaper, skipped nap, unannounced visit from a neighbor, prolonged encounter at the store, stranger who needs help on the side of the road, Sunday morning meltdown getting ready for church, and forgotten item on the grocery list can be used to sanctify us as we lay down our desires and see the things that may inconvenience us as a means to make us more like Christ. Every day is full of opportunities if we believe that God has prepared good works for us to walk in (Ephesians 2:10).

As a disclaimer, I am not advocating that we must stop and assist each person we pass, but I do think that we can trust the Spirit to lead us to live in more “radical” ways. I want to end this post with a quote from David Platt’s book Radical. On page 216, Platt writes, “As Elisabeth Elliot points out, not even dying a martyr’s death is classified as extraordinary obedience when you are following a Savior who died on a cross. Suddenly a martyr's death seems like normal obedience. So what happens when radical obedience to Christ becomes the new normal? Are you willing to see? You have a choice. You can cling to short-term treasures that you cannot keep, or you can live for long-term treasures that you cannot lose.” 

A Pillar of Patience: An Interview with Kate Jaco

The Lord has used Kate to impact my mothering in such a significant way, specifically in how she is a pillar of patience. Kate transitioned into motherhood 16 months before me, and I was able to learn from her as she grew in her new role. One story I think of often occurred the summer I was pregnant, due to have my first baby in November. I went to Walgreens with Kate and Logan, who was around 1 year old. Instead of rushing through the store and telling Logan to hurry up as he took his time inspecting items on each bottom shelf, Kate enjoyed watching Logan explore. It was the most relaxing trip into a store with a toddler, and I remember making a mental note to reflect on this Walgreens shopping spree in the future when I was tempted to rush through life with my little one. Kate has been a steady source of encouragement in my life, even before I became a mother. The past 7 years of friendship have been such a blessing as I’ve been a newlywed, college student, teacher, and mother with Kate supporting me in each stage of life.

I asked to hear more of her heart as a mother, and she has graciously agreed to allow me the opportunity to bask in her motherly wisdom and share it with others. I know that anyone who reads this will be incredibly blessed by this faithful woman of God.

Background

How did you and Brantley meet?

We met in college through mutual friends our freshman year and started dating our sophomore year. I was attending CSU at the time, and Brantley was at The Citadel.

How long did you date before Brantley proposed? How long was your engagement?

We dated for almost 2 years before getting engaged and were engaged for 14 months.

How old were you when you got married? How old was Brantley?

I was 22, and Brantley was 23.

Describe life as newlyweds. What surprised you the most about marriage?

We got a puppy after being married about 3 weeks. We were living in an apartment in Rock Hill and attending church in Charlotte. Rock Hill was new to us, and we didn’t know anyone. I was commuting to Columbia for my job, and Brantley delivered medical supplies throughout North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia so he was on the road all day, too. I was most surprised by the amount of compromise in marriage and by how difficult marriage was. We are such different people and living together really highlighted that.

What were your thoughts about having children before you and Brantley got married? Did you always want children? When did you want the children to come? Did you want to have your children close together?

On our first “date”/hangout/lunch, as we were getting to know one another, I shared with Brantley how I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom. We both wanted kids, but we didn’t really talk about it. We didn’t have any career goals we wanted to achieve prior to having kids or a timeline for kids, but we did want to be married a few years. I hadn’t given it much thought, but I assumed I wouldn’t want to have kids close together. 

I remember the night you told me you and Brantley were planning to have a baby. What influenced this decision? What thoughts ran through your mind during the months leading up to getting pregnant?

This story demonstrates how we aren’t really planners. When we had been married for almost 3 years, Brantley said he was ready for kids. There was hesitation on my part, but I didn’t know if I’d ever feel ready ( I hate making decisions of any kind). I read a lot of blogs and stories and knew people who had a hard time getting pregnant, so I thought it could be the same for us, but we were unexpectedly surprised with getting pregnant quickly.

Baby Blessing #1

How long were you married before finding out you were pregnant with Logan?

We found out in October, and our 3 year anniversary was also in October.

What was your initial reaction toward pregnancy and a coming baby?

I suspected I was pregnant prior to taking a pregnancy test, so I wasn’t too shocked when the result was positive. With it being my first pregnancy, I thought I needed to immediately begin planning everything for a baby and buying every supply for a newborn.

What other thoughts and reactions did you experience prior to Logan’s arrival?

I was anxious because I read blogs and heard so many stories of the worst events and outcomes, so my thoughts were often focused on something being or going wrong in my pregnancy. Like every pregnant woman, I felt like I was going to be pregnant forever. With Logan being the first grandchild on both sides of the family, there was a lot of shared excitement. I was eager to see what he would look like and how he would act.

Can you describe the difficulties of the first days of Logan’s life outside the womb? How did you feel in the midst of all the challenges? How have these experiences affected your motherhood?

Logan was born on a Friday. By the time he was born, I had been awake for 51 hours. I was exhausted from the long labor that included a lengthy amount of time dedicated to pushing. By the time I fell asleep, I had been awake for 60 hours. We were worried Saturday and Sunday because Logan wasn’t eating or being responsive. We weren’t getting much rest with family coming to visit. We went to the hospital Monday to get Logan admitted for jaundice. This was followed by lots of medical conversations and decisions. My body was still sore from having a baby Friday, and the walking around the huge hospital made everything worse. Brantley and I left the hospital Tuesday to go home and shower. I finally had space to process. I cried and couldn’t stop. I felt so guilty for all Logan was going through and questioned every decision. This was the complete opposite of the peaceful and restful recovery I thought I would have. All these experiences led to me not having much confidence in my abilities as a mom. I was questioning the decisions I made as a mom and felt like others were, too. Doubt characterized my early parenting.

Describe your adjustment to motherhood.

I didn’t feel attached at first. Instead, it seemed more like I was baby-sitting. The adjustment was stressful, and I felt like everyone was judging me. It was so hard when he was crying, and I was trying to comfort him, but I didn’t know why he was crying. Life was completely different.

Did having a baby affect your marriage? If so, in what ways?

It did. All of our attention was on the baby. Life revolved around the baby. I was on his schedule. For our anniversary that year, someone kept Logan so we could go out to dinner. I wanted the normalcy of going out on a date but all I could think about was getting back to the baby.   

Baby Blessing #2

How old was Logan when you found out you were pregnant with Lucy?

Logan was 9 months old.

I love the story of how you found out you were pregnant with Lucy. Would you mind sharing it?

One night at small group, some friends shared they were pregnant with their second baby. Brantley and I were very excited for them but could not imagine having kids so close together. We both agreed we wanted to wait longer before having another baby…little did we know I was already pregnant. So a few weeks prior to finding out I was pregnant, I felt nauseous, but I thought it was due to the diet food I was eating. One Saturday I was folding laundry and watching Parenthood. Amber found out she was pregnant and that’s when it occurred to me my symptoms could be pregnancy related, so thank you, Amber! I went to the store that afternoon and bought a couple of pregnancy tests. They were positive!

What was your initial reaction toward your second pregnancy? What other emotions did you experience during your pregnancy?

I was surprised and overwhelmed. I felt like I couldn’t have two babies. I wanted to take advantage of every moment with Logan and do special things with him. Excitement and curiosity did grow about the new baby.

Describe your adjustment to life with two little ones.

Labor, physical recovery, and initial adjustment were all much easier than with Logan. I had prepared for the adjustment to be more difficult, but it was easier than expected. Logan was a sweet big brother from the first moment he saw Lucy.

We adjusted quickly, but Lucy was a needier baby than Logan, specifically needing me. She refused bottles. I tried pumping and various formulas, but she was stubborn. She only slept on or near me. She wanted to be held all the time. I couldn’t be gone long, so I didn’t get a break her first year. I placed expectations on her that I didn’t even realize, assuming she would be an easy baby because the adjustment was easy, but she wasn’t.

Describe your “typical” day during the school year.

Logan is in half day preschool Monday-Thursday, and Lucy goes Mondays and Wednesdays. Every other Monday I have MOPs (I am in charge of hospitality for that), and on Wednesdays I try and not do anything so I can have a few hours to rest and recharge. On the Mondays I don’t have MOPs and other days, I do the normal household chores and errand running, have playdates, have MOPs steering meetings, help with other people’s kids, and occasionally have to help Brantley with something for his work. During naptime I usually clean, get dinner ready, and read. We have small group on Tuesdays and then I work every other Thursday, Friday, and Monday night and Saturday during the day.

What are comments, positive or negative, you hear as a mother of two little ones so close in age?

I hear the classic, “You’ve got your hands full.” There’s the slightly more creative, “They keep you busy?” People ask if we planned to have our kids so close. Sometimes people’s tones are condescending about how close in age they kids are. I’ve been asked if they are twins. We do get many comments on how cute they are, too. Now that they are getting older I don’t get as many negative comments, so hang in there. J

How do you respond to negative comments, if you have received any?

Depending on the comment, I either try to laugh it off or say, “Yeah, she was a surprise, but God knew what He was doing.”

What would you want to say to someone who makes negative comments?

God is the One who opens and closes the womb, and He does what’s best for me and our family. I’m thankful they are close in age and that they’re friends. They have a lot in common because of their age, and I think it’s a good thing. Also, could you come up with something original?

What sacrifices have you made in order to stay at home with your children? How do you feel about making those sacrifices? Can you share about your current work experience?

In some ways, I feel like I haven’t sacrificed anything because it would be so much harder for me to be away from them during the day, and I’m so thankful I am able to be at home with them. Day to day, I’ve sacrificed sleeping in or sleeping all night, my own desires in life, doing what I want and going where I want, and my comfort (especially in awkward situations with the kids). Financially we aren’t able to do or buy things we would be able to if we had two full-time incomes. Sometimes in the moment, it’s hard and I don’t want to sacrifice. Ultimately, for my marriage, my kids, and others, I’m called to lay down my life and die to my own desires, just as Jesus laid down His life, and think in light of eternity to see I’m really not sacrificing anything. Currently, I am working for Columbia Charlotte Shuttle as a Reservation Specialist, which requires lots of talking on the phone. I work every other Thursday, Friday, and Monday evening and Saturdays from 9-3.

How do you feel about the upcoming school year when both kids will be in school? What do you plan to do when they’re gone?

Lucy will go Monday and Wednesday from 9-1, and Logan will go Monday-Thursday from 9-1. As of now, I will have MOPS every other Monday. I’m excited for Lucy to go because she has wanted to go ever since Logan started. I’m a little sad about Logan going, but he did so well this past year and learned so much. I know it will be good. I’m not a planner, so I don’t have elaborate plans for when they’re gone. I imagine some weeks will be spent at home more. Ideally, I’ll be able to get in some reading at coffee shops, but in reality, I will probably be cleaning the house.

Additional Advice and Encouragement

You exude patience in all circumstances, even if you aren’t feeling patient on the inside. How do you cultivate this characteristic?  

Well, I think I may look more patient on the outside than I am feeling on the inside. J One way I stay patient is by not being a planner. If I don’t plan ahead, my plans can’t get interrupted or changed. I also seek to keep an eternal perspective and think about the length of time the kids will be under our roof because it’s such a short time. At the end of the day, if something didn’t get done because the kids wanted me to watch them play, it’s not a big deal. Our kids are blessings, and I shape their views of the world and God. God is so patient with me, so I can be patient with my child who is trying to dress herself.

What aspect of motherhood has been the most surprising?

I’ve been the most surprised by how fast time goes. A lot of days feel like the movie Groundhog Day, but sometimes you look up and ask, “Where did the time go? What happened to my little baby?”  

What has been your greatest joy in motherhood?

My greatest joy has been seeing how much of their own people they are and how God made them. They are so funny and have quirks from such a young age. I get to have a relationship with them. In the newborn days, they didn’t reciprocate and couldn’t do anything for themselves, but as they grow in their independence and I see their personalities, I just enjoy being with them.

What has been your greatest struggle in motherhood?

I would say there are two struggles. 1: feeling tired all the time. 2. Always being unsure if I’m making the right decisions in every facet of motherhood. I wonder if I should have done something differently. Mom guilt is the worst.

What is the most important lesson you have learned as a mother?

The most important lesson I’ve learned is to not compare or judge your kids or anyone else’s. Don’t judge milestones, schedules, behavior of kids in public, the decisions other moms make, etc. I tell other moms, “You are doing a great job. You are doing the best job for your child and family.” I’ve learned to not think that other moms are betting by comparing myself to them or worse by judging them and to keep my thoughts fixed on what is true.

How has God used your children to change your heart? Describe how He has changed you and is changing you.

God has helped my heart to not be so inwardly focused and to be more kind towards others. He has helped me see that I get to parent my kids, not have to, and that it is a privilege. I thought I was self-reliant and self-sufficient, but I see how much I lack on my own and how much I need Him.

Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you would want to do differently or that you would change?

You don’t have enough room to write on the paper. There are things I regret, but I’ve also matured in what I regret. I remind myself that Jesus died for my regrets. If I could change something, I would change Logan’s birth experience and his first week of life. I would’ve made different decisions. I regret not being more focused on the parenting aspect of having kids before they were born. Prior to getting married, we focused on our marriage more than the wedding day. I focused more on birth and newborn care through the books I read and classes we took, and I wish I had read more books on parenting to prepare for that since the newborn days go quickly.

What is your advice to other moms who may not view children as a blessing?  

Pray for God to change your heart and to give you joy when you don’t feel like it. And it’s ok to go lock yourself in the bathroom and take a mental health break for a few minutes. J

What are you and Brantley doing to invest spiritually into the lives of your children?

We are raising them in church, and they go to small group with us so they can see community. We read the Jesus Storybook Bible to them, pray with them and for them, sing worship songs, and try to engage their hearts instead of only addressing or trying to change outward actions.

How do you and Brantley protect your marriage in the midst of raising your little ones?

We pray for ourselves and one another. We spend intentional time together without distractions after the kids go to bed a few times a week.

I know it was difficult to leave Rock Hill and make the move to Charleston. What challenges has your family faced in moving? How have you seen the Lord working? How do you demonstrate support of Brantley? 

Some of the challenges we’ve faced are feeling isolated, not having community, and going places and not recognizing anyone. It’s difficult when everything is new. We had to start over in finding a new church, new grocery stores, new parks, etc. When we first moved, Brantley was working a lot during the day and taking classes at Trident some evenings. I felt lonely and lacked adult interaction. I felt impatient with the kids as I spent time solely with them, and God showed me the gift they are and to not take out my frustration with loneliness on them. My being mad wasn’t about them but about my own heart. God is growing me in gratitude for my kids and in enjoying them. To support Brantley, I’ve grown in understanding when he has to work late or on weekends or if we make plans that have to change because of his work. I know Brantley is working hard for us, and I try not to get mad because this is a season. I’ve also grown in respecting that when he’s working from home, I need to let him work in peace instead of asking him to help with the kids or help around the house.

What do you wish people knew about you as a mother?

I wish people knew that Brantley told me the other day, “Please don’t make our kids sarcastic,” and I told him that I couldn’t help it; they are genetically inclined to have that spiritual gift. J

                                                                                                                                                            

What would your response be to the question, “How do you do it?” in regards to being a mom of two small children?

The obvious “church” answer is “by God’s grace,” and that is so true. I cannot do it in my own strength. When I try to, I am impatient. Practically, I let “good enough be good enough.” Some days I get more done than others. God gives me grace, so I give myself grace and extend His grace to my kids.

Thank you, Kate, for being vulnerable and sharing how God has worked in your heart as a wife and mother. Your patience and perseverance encourage and challenge me in my marriage and motherhood. May God continue to be glorified as you sacrifice moment by moment to point your children to everlasting joy in Jesus.   

So You’re a Parent. Now What?

I want to share two conversations that capture what it’s like to be a parent, especially a parent adjusting to life with a new baby. One of the exchanges was via Facebook messages. The new mom wrote to me, “I think I thought once she was here, she would fit into MY life instead of the reality of a whole new life.” The other took place on Good Friday when my husband went to get Chick-fil-A for us for breakfast. While Stephen was in Chick-fil-A, he saw a friend of ours who was headed to work. Our friend asked if Stephen had the day off; he was shocked that Stephen was already awake since he didn’t have to go into work. Stephen replied, “I’ve got kids.” His response [maybe] begins to uncover the all-consuming nature of parenthood.

I believe that many new parents, myself included, are shocked to experience all the changes associated with being a mom or dad. People seem to gloss over the difficulties of a new baby when talking to expectant parents. No one talks about the realities of involuntarily boarding a hormonal roller coaster, little to no nighttime sleep for an unpredictable amount of time, not having time to take a shower or eat, doubt as every decision is second-guessed, the tough work of breastfeeding, or relearning how to communicate with your spouse, let alone the possibilities of post-partum or paternal postnatal depression, a colicky baby, infections while breastfeeding, and isolation as well-meaning friends stop inviting you to events because they assume you won’t be able to come. Your life is drastically and irreversibly altered. [Side note: Parenthood is extremely rewarding, and I love being a mom. I wouldn’t change my life, but my life was changed when I became a mom.]

Maybe people don’t tell expectant parents about these aspects of parenthood because they forgot (the beautiful parts of being a parent really do make the early challenging phases fade). Maybe they don’t want to steal the glow of the pregnant mom or be seen as a “Negative Nancy.”

One of the problems with not being authentic about the struggles is that when those dark clouds roll in and the storm strikes, new parents often feel like they are alone, afraid to reach out for fear of being seen as weak and wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” I see this especially in parents who longed and prayed for a baby. They can’t understand why they aren’t always overcome with thankfulness for the new life that has radically rocked their worlds. This is followed by overwhelming guilt for having any thoughts that don’t express gratitude. I remember a friend texting to ask, “Aren’t you just so in love?” after my first child was born. I certainly wouldn’t use the words “in love” to describe my initial reaction to my baby being out of the womb. Tired and terrified were more like it. Sure, I wanted to hold and hug my little one, and I felt maternal in the sense of, “Don’t even mess with this Mama Bear,” but I “fell in love” with him as I got to know him. Every parent is different and no two newborns are exactly the same, so it makes sense that there is a wide variety of experiences surrounding parenthood. Add to all of this the pressure of everyone giving contradicting advice and spending hours reading blogs and websites, and an emotionally exhausted parent is at the end of the equation. Forget enjoying your baby or sleeping when the baby sleeps. There’s too much to do and not enough time.

The newborn stage is characterized by hardships, though the ways new parents are affected are as varied as the parents themselves. Some parents transition into parenthood with seemingly little effort. They return to church with their baby who is a week old, look well rested, and honestly feel all the love for their little one. There are also parents who take a six week break from church, have bags under their eyes for months, and feel such bitterness and regret at times that they want to run away from the duties and responsibilities of parenthood. Instead of romanticizing life with a newborn, I think we should be bold in sharing the trials with one another, eager to support new parents who are battling tough times and rejoice with parents when things are going well.

No matter where a parent is on their journey, the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, and His faithfulness is great (Lamentations 3:22-23). Further, the Father did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us. He will graciously give us all things (Romans 8:32). We can encourage expectant parents with these truths and continue speaking them into the lives of new parents as they adapt to life with a newborn.