“You’re
not pregnant, are you?”
On
October 8th, our chiropractor asked this (completely terrifying) question. Stephen and I looked at each
other, caught off guard and unsure of what to say. I was thinking, “I have an
eleven month old. I better not be pregnant.” Stephen’s response: “Not that we
know of.”
When we
asked Dr. Mark why he thought I was pregnant, he explained that the area of my
back where he was going to need to adjust is one of the first signs of
pregnancy when the hormones are changing. Dr. Mark has helped us tremendously
in the past, and the Lord has given him incredible insight, but we honestly did
not think he was right in this particular case. There was NO WAY I was
pregnant. Right?
Five days
later, I took a test to ease my mind. I knew the result would be negative,
allowing me to continue enjoying an unchanged life with my almost one year old.
Immediately, a second line appeared, forever altering our lives. The initial
reaction to having two under two, two in diapers, two sweet babies completely
dependent on me, made me weak in the knees. Stephen was at work, so I called
him to share the news (news he literally did not believe). After convincing him
that I was telling the truth about the test I had been staring at, I just sat
down in our closet. The only words I could get out were, “How am I going to do
this?” We sat in silence for a few seconds (because, let's face it, I can’t be quiet any longer
than that). Almost in unison, we said, “I guess Dr. Mark was right.”
I am now eighteen weeks pregnant. Lord willing, we will welcome Baby Pappas #2 in June.
The beautiful reality of two under two is still overwhelming at times, but we
are beyond thankful that God is blessing us with another baby. Our first attempt at becoming parents was difficult and discouraging at times, so we assumed future pregnancies would not come easily. This surprise
pregnancy came pretty easily, though, reminding me (once again) that God is the
One in control of all things.
The uncertainty about navigating life with this new blessing is still present, but I am surrounded by so many moms who encourage me and point me to truth. I can look to numerous examples of God's grace sustaining the moms in my life. I rest in the truth of Lamentations 3:22-23: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
The uncertainty about navigating life with this new blessing is still present, but I am surrounded by so many moms who encourage me and point me to truth. I can look to numerous examples of God's grace sustaining the moms in my life. I rest in the truth of Lamentations 3:22-23: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
I’ll
leave you with this excerpt from the article Are You Mom Enough by Rachel Pieh Jones.
Somehow,
in God’s mathematics of grace:
Mom (never enough)
Mom (never enough)
+
God
(infinitely enough)
=
Mom
enough.
Mom enough to believe and to be called Chosen,
Daughter, Righteous, Honored, Heir, Forgiven, Redeemed... Loving and living in his perfect enough-ness, I will live to parent for
another day. Never mom enough, but filled with the One who is always enough.
