My Husband Knew I Was Pregnant before I Did

I just knew I was pregnant. For days, I had been experiencing symptoms. Then, Kate sent me a link. She didn’t know that I suspected I was pregnant. When I asked her if she was trying to tell us something, she replied that she was just giving me some expectations now that EK was getting to the age for me to get pregnant again. She thinks she’s funny.

As I read the post, I was checking things off in my head, with the hormones reference resounding most deeply, further confirming what I believed to be true. I still didn’t share my thoughts with anyone except Stephen, who had to regularly hear me say, “I’ve got to be pregnant.” We talked about life with a third baby, three under three. We were going through all the emotions, prepping for the positive pregnancy test I would take in a few days.

Friday, January 27^th came so slowly. I anxiously took the pregnancy test and stared, hard, for three minutes anticipating the second line, the one that never appeared. No matter how I held up the test in the light or squinted, it was negative. How could I have been wrong? I spent the next week wondering what was the matter with me if I wasn’t pregnant, asking why I couldn’t wake up in the mornings and was exhausted during the day, even when I was clocking a tight 8 hours each night. I honestly questioned if I was depressed and just didn’t realize it as my hormones raged and exhaustion gripped my body each morning as I literally staggered out of our bedroom while only desiring sleep.

Saturday, February 4^th, was the day everything changed. I took a nap that afternoon, and it was one of those naps where you wake up with drool all over the pillow. As I wiped my wet face, I realized I had passed out without turning on the fan for noise. I can never fall asleep without the fan drowning out the cars I can hear driving on the main highway near our house. It was then that I decided to call Stephen and ask if he could pick up another pregnancy test on his way home from running some errands just to ease my mind about the negative result from the week before.

Around 3:30, I took the test. It didn’t turn positive right away like the tests did when I was pregnant with J and EK, so I just crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over myself, and tried to fall back asleep. Stephen, on the other hand, waited the appropriate three minutes and went to check. As I’m attempting to drift off, he asks, “Is this a second line? If so, it’s really faint, but I think that’s another line, unless my eyes are playing tricks on me.” When I registered what he was saying, I screamed, “What?” as I threw off the covers and almost broke my neck trying to get into the bathroom. (It seems to be becoming a trend for others to know I am pregnant before I do.)

My initial reaction was to ugly cry while saying, “That’s a line. That’s a line, and you know it” in a tone that sounded as if I was accusing Stephen of deliberately trying to play a trick on me. He just hugged me and let me sob on his shoulders as the weight of a third child hit me. Unlike the week before, I hadn’t prepared for a positive result. But I was also relieved that there was an explanation for the extreme fatigue and my terrible attitude fueled by my rapidly changing hormones.

It was a difficult journey trying to become parents the first time, so I assumed it would be hard each time. Lord willing, we will have three under three in October, and I am thankful He is abundantly blessing us quickly. I know people who struggle for years to conceive once and experience pain again and again and others who have lost their precious little ones. I don’t want my pregnancies to cause heartache in the lives of people I know and love, and I want to mourn with those who mourn. I am currently trying to stumble my way through how to rejoice in the gifts God has given us while being sensitive to those who are hurting. The very real fear of losing this baby or my older kids can cripple me at times, so I share our news of expecting our third child to implore you to pray for us and our children. Please pray the Lord’s will be done and for our trust in Him to be firm in all circumstances. I wholly believe He is able to sustain my life, Stephen’s life, and the lives of all three of our kids, but even if He doesn’t, pray that I wouldn’t waver for He is good.