I asked a group of moms how to survive this transition to life with
three little ones. I am so very thankful for the community of mothers the Lord
has placed around me and for their willingness to encourage and support our
family. A shout out to all the wonderful mommas who provided tips to help me
keep my sanity during this time. As I soaked in the wisdom of these amazing
moms, I thought that if I benefited from their insights, others with newborns
may benefit as well. I asked for tips for how to handle the kids by myself,
helping the older kids with the transition, making life easier during this
adjustment, advice for Stephen, and any other counsel they thought would be
beneficial. I am glad I inquired and glad they obliged.
Tips for Surviving with a Newborn
· You’re at one day at a time mode. Be ok with survival mode.
· Just make it to naptime.
· A strategy for the day helps. And there’s always VeggieTales if mommy needs a break.
· Don’t expect to get anything done for the first six months.
· The 4th trimester is a real thing. Babies change so much in their first three months that expecting the same predictability over 1-2 weeks is probably not going to be realistic, just coming from a developmental standpoint. Think of it as 3 months where you’re learning, enjoying each other, and growing into and building rhythms and routines (noticing the natural rhythms of your family and your kids and your own strengths, weaknesses, and needs).
· Let go. Release as much control as you can. Control’s an illusion anyway.
· Rest yourself. Think of a few self-care things to slowly work back into your routine. Think of something that brings you life and try to find a way to do a little something that makes you feel like fully you once a week. This is one of the ways to not get to the built up frustration and bitterness that can make us feel like we’re just a tool to be used and drained and not a real person.
· Keep your expectations for yourself, the kids, Stephen, your house, and your schedule really low. Ask, “Is this going to bring life to me or my family?” and “Can we do this with peace, margin, etc.?” This is the time to not try any big projects or commitments. Slowly add things back into your schedule.
· Don’t overbook yourself. It’s totally ok to say no. Wrangling three into clothes, into the car, and into a crowd can quickly become a nightmare, especially alone.
· A grocery shopping trip alone is also sanity saving when you can manage and so is having Stephen stop on the way home so you don’t have to take all three babies.
· Get the older kids to help by bringing diapers, wipes, etc. It makes them feel like the big kid and helps them adjust.
· Routinely emphasize baby safety with the older kids so they will be more sensitive to how fragile the baby is with hopes of them developing an early bond and awareness of him as someone who is a part of your family who has different and specific needs.
· Try to get the older kids on the same nap and bedtime schedule. That way, you can rest and enjoy cuddles with the baby when they are asleep; after a few months, you can help baby join their schedule.
· Give them all a bath at once. Wash, wash, wash, rinse, rinse, rinse… bam, it’s done. And then get them out oldest to youngest. Bring their jammies and diapers into the bathroom so you can change them quickly.
· Maybe have one thing you’re definitely going to do that day besides keeping the babies alive and fed. That sense of accomplishment is encouraging. But if it doesn’t happen, it’s ok.
· Ask Stephen to take over a few of your household chores in the evening and don’t feel guilty about it.
· Ask for help and accept help when people offer; any help is good help.
· Keep an ongoing list of things people can help with, like laundry, errands, etc. When they ask, if they do even one of those things, it’s a major help.
· Use the weekends when Stephen is home to prepare for the week. Get clothes ready for the week and do anything you can so that you can grab and go when you’re on your own.
· Think about how long it took before the third baby was born to get ready. Now double it.
· Keep as much as you can as simple as you can.
· Take the big kids somewhere, like the park or for ice cream, while Stephen stays home with the baby. Nurse him and then leave. Pump some milk to have just in case. This will give you quality time with the big kids, a break from the baby, and Stephen some quality bonding time.
· Fresh air and naps do wonders those first few months.
· Don’t be hard on yourself, especially when it comes to spiritual disciplines and what you think it means to be a good wife, mother, and Christian.
· Test each “I should” with the Word. So many are rooted in cultural expectations of what we think a good fill in the blank should be or in the devil exploiting our fears and weaknesses. Who does Jesus say you are? Go and live from there.
· Strive to stay rooted and grounded in the Word of God, however that looks for you. Some suggestions: print out some Scriptures and post them on the fridge or listen to sermons while getting ready before the kids wake up or while cleaning or cooking.
· Wear your baby. You can cook and clean and when baby is crying it can help soothe him as you pace the house.
· Keep a basket of activities wherever you spend most of your time nursing and rocking the baby that the other kids like to do (coloring books, story books, Play-Doh, little cars to push around, etc.).
· Keep snacks everywhere for you and the kids. Go for snacks that are easy to grab so you have them if breakfast or lunch are getting delayed or you’re hungry from nursing but too tired and busy to stop and fix something. Prepping the snacks is something Stephen can help do on nights or days off. Meal prep in general is a huge help and something the kids can help with (putting veggies in bags) and this helps them feel included.
· A backpack style diaper bag is where it’s at.
· Shower early before the kids get up. If the baby is awake, let him hang out in the bouncer seat while you shower.
· Plan shopping trips around meal times. Right after breakfast or lunch works best since everyone has a full tummy. Pack extra snacks in case you’re out later than anticipated. Attempt to park as close to a cart return as possible. Put everyone in the shopping cart for faster shopping. Work in a trip to the bathroom either before leaving the house or before shopping for kids who are potty training.
· To get meals made with less stress, designate that time for TV or some kind of activity that doesn’t require much supervision.
· If you’re on a tight schedule, it’s ok to feed the kids finger foods, ready made meals, etc.
· Intimacy can feel hard to come by. Talk to each other about it.
· Play worship music throughout the day. It can set the tone of your home and the kids learn the words at such a young age.
· Enjoy it! Cuddle your baby together. Make up silly songs, take short walks, take one of the older kids one on one to the grocery store, watch movies together, and drink hot cocoa.
· Have your eyes fixed on Jesus, asking Him daily, moment by moment, to give you a Kingdom perspective as you mother His little miracles. As your eyes are fixed on Him, you receive His grace and can extend it to yourself and your sweet babies.
· Trust that the Lord will meet you where you are and give you what you need for today…and then tomorrow…and next Wednesday. Think of the day and the grace, wisdom, and peace you need as manna. You can’t really store up today’s to save for tomorrow. You need today’s grace today. The Lord’s going to give it to you as you need it. He’s faithful to provide.
Tips for Surviving with a Newborn
· You’re at one day at a time mode. Be ok with survival mode.
· Just make it to naptime.
· A strategy for the day helps. And there’s always VeggieTales if mommy needs a break.
· Don’t expect to get anything done for the first six months.
· The 4th trimester is a real thing. Babies change so much in their first three months that expecting the same predictability over 1-2 weeks is probably not going to be realistic, just coming from a developmental standpoint. Think of it as 3 months where you’re learning, enjoying each other, and growing into and building rhythms and routines (noticing the natural rhythms of your family and your kids and your own strengths, weaknesses, and needs).
· Let go. Release as much control as you can. Control’s an illusion anyway.
· Rest yourself. Think of a few self-care things to slowly work back into your routine. Think of something that brings you life and try to find a way to do a little something that makes you feel like fully you once a week. This is one of the ways to not get to the built up frustration and bitterness that can make us feel like we’re just a tool to be used and drained and not a real person.
· Keep your expectations for yourself, the kids, Stephen, your house, and your schedule really low. Ask, “Is this going to bring life to me or my family?” and “Can we do this with peace, margin, etc.?” This is the time to not try any big projects or commitments. Slowly add things back into your schedule.
· Don’t overbook yourself. It’s totally ok to say no. Wrangling three into clothes, into the car, and into a crowd can quickly become a nightmare, especially alone.
· A grocery shopping trip alone is also sanity saving when you can manage and so is having Stephen stop on the way home so you don’t have to take all three babies.
· Get the older kids to help by bringing diapers, wipes, etc. It makes them feel like the big kid and helps them adjust.
· Routinely emphasize baby safety with the older kids so they will be more sensitive to how fragile the baby is with hopes of them developing an early bond and awareness of him as someone who is a part of your family who has different and specific needs.
· Try to get the older kids on the same nap and bedtime schedule. That way, you can rest and enjoy cuddles with the baby when they are asleep; after a few months, you can help baby join their schedule.
· Give them all a bath at once. Wash, wash, wash, rinse, rinse, rinse… bam, it’s done. And then get them out oldest to youngest. Bring their jammies and diapers into the bathroom so you can change them quickly.
· Maybe have one thing you’re definitely going to do that day besides keeping the babies alive and fed. That sense of accomplishment is encouraging. But if it doesn’t happen, it’s ok.
· Ask Stephen to take over a few of your household chores in the evening and don’t feel guilty about it.
· Ask for help and accept help when people offer; any help is good help.
· Keep an ongoing list of things people can help with, like laundry, errands, etc. When they ask, if they do even one of those things, it’s a major help.
· Use the weekends when Stephen is home to prepare for the week. Get clothes ready for the week and do anything you can so that you can grab and go when you’re on your own.
· Think about how long it took before the third baby was born to get ready. Now double it.
· Keep as much as you can as simple as you can.
· Take the big kids somewhere, like the park or for ice cream, while Stephen stays home with the baby. Nurse him and then leave. Pump some milk to have just in case. This will give you quality time with the big kids, a break from the baby, and Stephen some quality bonding time.
· Fresh air and naps do wonders those first few months.
· Don’t be hard on yourself, especially when it comes to spiritual disciplines and what you think it means to be a good wife, mother, and Christian.
· Test each “I should” with the Word. So many are rooted in cultural expectations of what we think a good fill in the blank should be or in the devil exploiting our fears and weaknesses. Who does Jesus say you are? Go and live from there.
· Strive to stay rooted and grounded in the Word of God, however that looks for you. Some suggestions: print out some Scriptures and post them on the fridge or listen to sermons while getting ready before the kids wake up or while cleaning or cooking.
· Wear your baby. You can cook and clean and when baby is crying it can help soothe him as you pace the house.
· Keep a basket of activities wherever you spend most of your time nursing and rocking the baby that the other kids like to do (coloring books, story books, Play-Doh, little cars to push around, etc.).
· Keep snacks everywhere for you and the kids. Go for snacks that are easy to grab so you have them if breakfast or lunch are getting delayed or you’re hungry from nursing but too tired and busy to stop and fix something. Prepping the snacks is something Stephen can help do on nights or days off. Meal prep in general is a huge help and something the kids can help with (putting veggies in bags) and this helps them feel included.
· A backpack style diaper bag is where it’s at.
· Shower early before the kids get up. If the baby is awake, let him hang out in the bouncer seat while you shower.
· Plan shopping trips around meal times. Right after breakfast or lunch works best since everyone has a full tummy. Pack extra snacks in case you’re out later than anticipated. Attempt to park as close to a cart return as possible. Put everyone in the shopping cart for faster shopping. Work in a trip to the bathroom either before leaving the house or before shopping for kids who are potty training.
· To get meals made with less stress, designate that time for TV or some kind of activity that doesn’t require much supervision.
· If you’re on a tight schedule, it’s ok to feed the kids finger foods, ready made meals, etc.
· Intimacy can feel hard to come by. Talk to each other about it.
· Play worship music throughout the day. It can set the tone of your home and the kids learn the words at such a young age.
· Enjoy it! Cuddle your baby together. Make up silly songs, take short walks, take one of the older kids one on one to the grocery store, watch movies together, and drink hot cocoa.
· Have your eyes fixed on Jesus, asking Him daily, moment by moment, to give you a Kingdom perspective as you mother His little miracles. As your eyes are fixed on Him, you receive His grace and can extend it to yourself and your sweet babies.
· Trust that the Lord will meet you where you are and give you what you need for today…and then tomorrow…and next Wednesday. Think of the day and the grace, wisdom, and peace you need as manna. You can’t really store up today’s to save for tomorrow. You need today’s grace today. The Lord’s going to give it to you as you need it. He’s faithful to provide.
No comments:
Post a Comment