Redemptive Birth

At 3:41 on a June morning, our littlest love was born. EK entered the world after a quick labor for this second time momma. As far as birth goes, EK's was amazing. It was everything I wish my first birth would have been. But maybe this baby’s birth seemed so great because of the difficultly associated with my first birth experience. My best friend Kate described EK’s birth as redemptive, and I think the word redemptive perfectly encapsulates EK's labor and delivery.

Kate was with me and Stephen for the birth of our first kiddo, J. She knows the whole story, all 15 hours of labor, the pain I experienced during transition, the pushing that didn’t seem to be accomplishing anything, the fear that entered the room when our midwife couldn’t detect the heartbeat, the episiotomy that had to be done, the driving to the hospital to repair a third degree tear, the subsequent three day hospital stay full of less than pleasant interactions with some of the staff, and the very real struggles of adjusting to life with a newborn while recovering from the surgery. She was there for all of it and could compare J’s story to EK’s and speak redemption over it.

The only experience I had to look back on was J’s birth, and the labor with EK’s birth was so different that my husband and I were caught off guard.  Up until the last 10 minutes of J’s birth, my labor fit the textbook examples to a T. This was not the case with EK. The morning before EK was born, I woke up around 3:30 with very mild contractions. I started timing them, and they were about 20 minutes apart. About an hour and a half later, I woke Stephen up to let him know I was having contractions and that they were 10 minutes apart. They still weren’t lasting very long, but I thought it would be a good idea for him to take the day off from work just in case. I got up and started moving around more, and the contractions started spacing out again. I had a contraction at 8:40, right before going into the office of the chiropractor we were seeing at the time. Dr. Mark gave me an adjustment and said, “Most women have their babies within 24 hours after receiving that adjustment.” I didn’t have another contraction until 9:50, so just like I doubted Dr. Mark about being pregnant the second time, I wasn’t convinced I would be having a baby within 24 hours. Many of my friends had days of false labor before the births of their second born kiddos, so I figured it would be the same for me.

Stephen and I stopped at Chick-fil-A on Cherry Road because I had to have a chicken biscuit, went to the pharmacy in Publix to have the remaining prescriptions filled that I needed for a successful homebirth, and came home. I spoke with my midwife Lori to fill her in on everything. She told me to note the intensity when contractions began again, time the contractions while doing various activities to see if they continued to come regularly, and that I would know when true labor was upon me. It was almost noon and there had been no more contractions, so I told Stephen he should go to work. At 12:15, I lost my mucus plug, signaling that labor could start within hours or days, so that wasn’t helpful.

Contractions continued off and on throughout the afternoon. I had friends over but the contractions were so mild they didn’t know I was having them, and I didn’t tell them. That evening, we had some friends stay with us who were moving over the weekend and needed somewhere to sleep. We stayed up talking to Jose and Stephanie until around 11:00 Friday night, and I had a few contractions during our conversation with them. Again, I didn’t think the baby would be making an appearance that night, but Stephen and I thought we should probably give them a heads up about the whole homebirth thing before we went to bed. They didn’t know we had J at home, so they were very shocked when we told them that we had a homebirth with him and were planning one with baby number 2. Jose asked, “So we could wake up and there could be a new baby here tomorrow?” Stephen’s response was, “Yeah, like Christmas!” I told Jose it was a possibility but it wasn’t likely to happen. Our houseguests moved from surprise to curiosity fairly quickly, wondering if they would hear anything. We assured them that they wouldn’t, based on the past experience with J where I wasn’t very vocal, but that they may see a light on in the living room if Lori was here. We told them good night, got in bed, and Stephen was asleep within minutes of our heads hitting the pillows. I, however, had a contraction that felt a little stronger followed by another one a few minutes later.

Around midnight, I began timing my contractions while switching positions to see if they slowed down. For the next hour and a half, I ran water in our bathtub, sat on the birthing ball, went to the living room to sit on the couch, and walked around. It was kind of comical that Stephen had no idea what was going on while he peacefully slept. I got the Crock-Pot ready with oil and water for compresses to use during labor, and I woke Stephen up around 1:30 Saturday morning. By this point, my contractions were coming every 3 minutes and were lasting 30-40 seconds.

The intensity of the contractions ramped up as they lasted for 45 seconds to a minute and stayed 3 minutes apart. During this time, I told Stephen a few times that I thought we should call Lori. Based on J’s birth and the 5-1-1 guideline, Stephen thought it would be best to wait for the contractions to be lasting a full minute and for them to be that long for an hour.

Around 3:00, the transition phase hit hard as I clenched the bathroom counter while contractions came one after another. This is also the point where Stephen tried to get me to breathe and relax because I was tensing up. Instead of happily receiving his advice, I glared at him and snapped, “Shut up! You did this to me!” If you know my super sweet and amazing husband, you know how bad I feel about this now. I didn’t feel so bad about lashing out at him in the moment, though. I directed Stephen to call Lori and staggered to our bed, but I fell to the ground as another contraction gripped my body. When it passed, I had enough time to get on our bed and repeat, “Jesus, help me. I’m gonna die.” As I absorbed another wave of contractions, I writhed in pain. When those passed, I asked Stephen what Lori said. His response was, “Oh, I was timing the contractions.” I lost it. This is the point where I may have used an expletive as I yelled at Stephen to call Lori right then, followed by an exasperated, “My water just broke all over me.”

It was 3:13 when Stephen called Lori, and I cannot even communicate how thankful I am that she only lives about 10 minutes away. When he got off the phone with her, I told him I needed to start pushing, so I did. With each push, it felt like my energy was being renewed and excitement grew knowing I would soon be seeing my baby. It didn’t bother me that we were doing this alone, and it hadn’t occurred to me that there had been no monitoring of the baby’s heartbeat during the most difficult stage of labor. I was just listening to my body, and somehow I knew what it was saying.

Lori quietly entered the room and said she would be calling her assistant, Pam, who lives about 30 minutes away. By this time the baby’s head was on its way out, so Lori quickly said, “I’m going to put on my gloves.” No sooner had she snapped her gloves on than I announced, “The head is out.” Lori jumped into action with a, “Yes it is” and prepared to catch the baby after another push. When she passed our little baby up to me at 3:41, I couldn’t believe we had an EK. I had honestly been prepping myself for the birth of LJ. I stared at EK in amazement and breathed out, “You’re our little EK.” I planted a kiss right on EK's fresh out of the womb lips and laid down cradling EK close to me, feeling peace and joy I can’t even adequately describe.

EK’s labor was still labor, but it was a whole new experience. J’s birth was redeemed in a way as EK’s arrival ushered in the healing of many wounds. We didn’t know the gender of our little one until EK was born, but we had the name picked out months before we saw EK's face. My mind continually went back to the meanings of EK's names as I prayed for our little one to be made whole and complete in Christ and to live a free life. Reflecting on EK's birth experience, I see how it parallels the redemption I encountered at the cross of my sweet Savior Jesus. Christ took all of my impurity onto Himself and exchanged it for His perfect purity. By trusting in Him for the forgiveness of my sins, I was made whole and complete. Not only did EK’s birth herald restoration in the hours following the delivery, but I can reflect on EK's name daily to remember the eternal redemption that is mine in Christ Jesus. So, yeah, I think it’s safe to say that EK’s birth was redemptive.   

Life as a Mother of 8: An Interview with Frances Williams

As a mother of eight who has been faithfully walking with Jesus for many years, I asked my Grandma to offer up her knowledge and experience to me and other moms. My Grandma is an example of perseverance, so I knew she could provide some insight into motherhood as I go through this journey with God using my kids to change my selfish heart. I hope you are encouraged as you read from the perspective of someone who has endured all we endure as moms and who now has 16 grandchildren and 17 great-grandchildren.

Background

How did you and granddaddy meet?

We met on a blind date. I had a friend who was dating a guy from the Flat Creek area. He would bring a friend and if I wasn’t busy, I’d go out with them. He kept talking about this guy, and I never thought much about him. One night, Ruth came to the door, and I agreed to go with them. To my surprise, a guy in uniform with one leg and crutches was with them. At the end of the night, he said something like, “W.L.’s got a standing date. Can I come back?” I told him, “Well, yes, if you want to.” Years later, he told me, and W.L. verified it, that when I was at the door with Ruth and he saw me, he told W.L., “That’s the girl I’m gonna marry.” Me? No. Spend my life with a one legged man? Well, you know things changed.

How old were you when you got married? How old was granddaddy?

I was 17, and he was 23.

Describe life as newlyweds in the 1940s.

I really can’t remember details. He moved from Pageland to Heath Springs, and we lived with my mom. He started a business, and that was pretty much it. I didn’t really change my way of life. We had kids, family was close, and we lived from day to day.

What were your thoughts about having children before you and granddaddy got married? Did you always want children? When did you want the children to come? Did you want to have your children close together?

I was going to have 3 kids (2 girls and 1 boy). We had no other plans. Things didn’t work out like that, did they?

What dreams/goals/accomplishments did you and granddaddy want to achieve before having children? Were there any dreams/goals/accomplishments that had to be delayed? What were your feelings about this? Have those feelings changed?

I really don’t remember many of those. We went from day to day, using the resources we had. God took care of us. There’s no other way we would have survived.

Baby Blessings

When were your children born?

Baby #1- March 1, 1946

Baby #2- July 12, 1947

Baby #3- May 25, 1948

Baby #4- April 5, 1950

Baby #5- March 26, 1952

Baby #6- January 13, 1956

Baby #7- June 15, 1957

Baby #8- November 21, 1964

 What thoughts and reactions did you experience prior to each baby’s arrival?

Nothing special. I was just thankful they were healthy and we were able to feed and clothe them.

Describe your adjustment to motherhood.

I can’t. I just did what had to be done.

Describe what life was like with eight children.

Impossible, busy, time consuming, exciting, scary. Regrets for having them- none.

What are comments, positive or negative, you heard as a mother of eight?

People said things like, “Oh, I feel so sorry you have so many to take care of” and “I don’t see how you can do all that work.”

How did you respond to negative comments?

I told people that the children do their part because each of them had certain things to do and they accepted their responsibilities.

What have you enjoyed the most about being a mom?

I have enjoyed watching them excel in things they wanted to do.

What was your biggest struggle?

Getting them ready for the school bus in the morning.

Where did you work? Did you have to work?

I went to work after we moved to Liberty Hill. I didn’t have to work. I took a neighbor to apply for a job, but I filled out an application, too, just because. It just so happened, your granddaddy was visiting a fellow veteran, who also had one leg. His wife mentioned she had seen my application but that she didn’t call because she didn’t think I really wanted a job. Well, your granddaddy said, “She might.” She called the next morning. I went up to Skyline and started work the next day.

 Additional Advice and Encouragement

What is life like now that your children are grown?

I’m enjoying a few lazy moments and feeling glad they are pretty healthy. I’m trying to be a “good” counselor if asked for advice.

What is the most important lesson you have learned as a mother?

Take every day as important. Accept help when offered!! Let your children learn to do things on their own. Remember, God is in charge.

Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you would want to do differently or that you would change?

Change my life? No. Change the way I did things? Yes.

How did you protect your marriage in the midst of raising eight children?

It was a joint job. He made the money and taught work ethics. I cooked, shopped, did the laundry, etc.

What would your response be to the question, “How did you do it?” in regards to being a mom of eight children?

I took care of the children during the day and asked God to take care of them at night while I slept. I realized there were times when I couldn’t be there with them and had to remember who was in charge.

Thank you, Grandma, for sharing your wisdom and insight into the stresses and joys of motherhood. I have been challenged to relinquish control and surrender to the Lord as I care for my beautiful babies. My perspective of parenthood is often shaped by the current culture instead of God’s Word, and I feel entitled to ease and comfort in being a mom (free time, good naps that lead to more free time, well-behaved children at all times). By your hard work, done joyfully and with contentment, you have demonstrated that even when our lives don’t go as planned, we can yield control, trust the Lord as His perfect plan unfolds, and rest in Him. I pray I will leave a rich legacy of children, grandchildren, and great-children who are blessed by my example as I follow Christ just as you have blessed your family. 

Marriage and Parenthood: Difficult But Desirable

If you know Ruth Fujino, you know a woman who is wise and discerning beyond her years. I got to spend 6 hours in the car with this beautiful sister of mine on Monday, and I am treasuring up the insights Ruth provided. On the way home, I shared with Ruth some of my latest struggles as a mom. She patiently listened while I rattled off all the ways I have messed up the past couple of weeks and how I have started to feel more overwhelmed by motherhood as the due date for baby #2 rapidly approaches.

When Ruth opened her mouth, healing words like a balm for my heart washed over me. I keep replaying a phrase she said that has helped me tremendously this week. After agreeing with me that every mom she knows has expressed to her at some point the wearying nature of parenthood, she told me that by being vulnerable, the moms in her life have shown her that motherhood is difficult, but she still sees it as desirable.

Difficult but desirable.

She went on to say how she knows the marriages around her are difficult, but the way the husbands and wives respond to one another in the midst of the difficulty don’t diminish the desirability of marriage.

Marriage and parenthood are beautiful gifts, but they require great amounts of sacrifice and are often difficult. As a wife and mom who deeply longs to point others to Jesus, the source of my salvation, hope, and joy, I was reminded by Ruth that this is accomplished as I vulnerably share my shortcomings and sin with the people in my life. Allowing others to see that I don’t have it all together doesn’t make my God look feeble; instead, it magnifies the greatness of the One who is strong in my weakness, the One who designed marriage and motherhood, the One who is working in me so that the people around me see that life as a wife and mom is difficult but it is desirable.

To all the women in my life who speak truth in love to me, thank you for helping me grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus. I am eternally grateful for all of you. 

My Chiropractor Knew I was Pregnant before I Did

“You’re not pregnant, are you?”

On October 8^th, our chiropractor asked this (completely terrifying) question. Stephen and I looked at each other, caught off guard and unsure of what to say. I was thinking, “I have an eleven month old. I better not be pregnant.” Stephen’s response: “Not that we know of.”

When we asked Dr. Mark why he thought I was pregnant, he explained that the area of my back where he was going to need to adjust is one of the first signs of pregnancy when the hormones are changing. Dr. Mark has helped us tremendously in the past, and the Lord has given him incredible insight, but we honestly did not think he was right in this particular case. There was NO WAY I was pregnant. Right?

Five days later, I took a test to ease my mind. I knew the result would be negative, allowing me to continue enjoying an unchanged life with my almost one year old. Immediately, a second line appeared, forever altering our lives. The initial reaction to having two under two, two in diapers, two sweet babies completely dependent on me, made me weak in the knees. Stephen was at work, so I called him to share the news (news he literally did not believe). After convincing him that I was telling the truth about the test I had been staring at, I just sat down in our closet. The only words I could get out were, “How am I going to do this?” We sat in silence for a few seconds (because, let's face it, I can’t be quiet any longer than that). Almost in unison, we said, “I guess Dr. Mark was right.”

I am now eighteen weeks pregnant. Lord willing, we will welcome Baby Pappas #2 in June. The beautiful reality of two under two is still overwhelming at times, but we are beyond thankful that God is blessing us with another baby. Our first attempt at becoming parents was difficult and discouraging at times, so we assumed future pregnancies would not come easily. This surprise pregnancy came pretty easily, though, reminding me (once again) that God is the One in control of all things.

The uncertainty about navigating life with this new blessing is still present, but I am surrounded by so many moms who encourage me and point me to truth. I can look to numerous examples of God's grace sustaining the moms in my life. I rest in the truth of Lamentations 3:22-23: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

I’ll leave you with this excerpt from the article Are You Mom Enough by Rachel Pieh Jones.

Somehow, in God’s mathematics of grace:
Mom (never enough)

+

God (infinitely enough)

=

Mom enough.

Mom enough to believe and to be called Chosen, Daughter, Righteous, Honored, Heir, Forgiven, Redeemed... Loving and living in his perfect enough-ness, I will live to parent for another day. Never mom enough, but filled with the One who is always enough.