3 under 3 at 23: An Interview with Erica Keith

Did I get your attention? If so, I have accomplished a small fraction of my goal in publishing this post. The challenge now is to write in such a way that highlights the humility and grace of some dear friends we have that are the parents of three little ones under the age of three. All three of their children were born before Erica turned twenty-four. I couldn’t sit down with Erica to interview her due to the distance between us, but she generously gave of her time to answer some questions that allow us to peek into her daily life as a stay at home mother of Jack, Piper, and Wyatt, her three beautiful blessings. The centrality of God’s Word and the gospel in their home and in their parenting is evident, encouraging, and challenging. If you are a mom who desires to bring glory to God through your motherhood, I hope this post helps spur you on in this high and holy calling.

Background

How old were you when you got married? How old was Cameron?

I was 19 and Cameron was 20.

Why did you two choose to get married when you were so young?

We fell in love at a young age and knew we wanted to spend our lives together. We decided that getting married really young was better than dating for a few more years and then getting married. We wanted to eliminate any unnecessary temptation and sin.

Did people make any comments, positive or negative, about you two getting married? If so, what were some of the comments?

We got a lot of negative feedback when we told people. Most of the time people would try to be kind with their answers, but we could tell that they thought we were a little crazy and did not approve. We got a lot of questions like "Why?" and "How old are you?" People who were close to us were very supportive and understood our decision to get married young.

What were your thoughts about having children before you and Cameron got married? Did you always want children? When did you want the children to come? Did you want to have your children close together?

I have always loved children and wanted a lot of my own. I expected to wait a while before having children but wanted them all pretty close together. I've wanted to be a stay at home mom for as long as I can remember.

Baby Blessing #1

How long were you married before finding out you were pregnant with Jack? How old were you?

We had been married for a year and a half, and I was 20.

What was your initial reaction toward pregnancy and a coming baby?

I was shocked and scared. We had just moved to a different city for Cameron to finish his education, and we were both working part-time jobs. We had just left our hometown full of family and friends. We were in a transition period in our life, and it was not an ideal time to have a baby. I was just offered a new job and wasn't sure if they would hire me anymore when they found out I was pregnant and could only work for them for a few months. I had already quit my old job, so it was very scary.

What other thoughts and reactions did you experience prior to Jack’s arrival?

After the initial shock wore off, I was very excited to become a mom. We had a lot of things to

figure out. We were living in seminary housing and we had to move if Cameron quit school to

find a full-time job. Even though it was a stressful time full of unknowns, I was so excited to start the new chapter in our lives.

Describe your adjustment to motherhood.

In some ways it was a smooth transition, but in a lot of ways it was very difficult. Before having

Jack I was a nanny, so I've been working with kids for a long time. I was comfortable being in the home with a child, but it is so different caring for your own child. I didn't get to go home at 5 and come back at 8 in the morning. I was up at least 3 times a night at first and trying to recover from birthing him. Being isolated at home all day with no adult interaction was hard. I eventually was able to get out and hang out with other moms, which made it a lot easier on me. It was really helpful for me to set a schedule for me and for Jack. That helped me to be able to rest and also get things done.

Did having a baby affect your marriage? If so, in what ways?

Having children has affected our marriage. We had to start setting aside alone time, whereas before we had alone time almost every evening. We found ourselves arguing and tense toward each other more easily. We have found that communication is key. We need to let each other know what is going on and when we are bothered by something so that we can work on it and serve each other well. It has taken us a while to learn this and to adjust to the chaos of having children.

What dreams/goals/accomplishments did you and Cameron want to achieve before having children? Are there any dreams/goals/accomplishments that are being delayed? What are your feelings about this?

We wanted to graduate college before having kids. We both were about half way through when we found out that we were pregnant with Jack. Cameron had to put school on hold and get a full-time job, and I decided to stop pursuing a degree to be a stay at home mom. I've never wanted a career, so not finishing didn't really bother me. Cameron is about to start classes again after taking two and a half years off. This was not ideal, but we have made ends meet and will push through the last two years of his education on one income.

Baby Blessing #2

How old was Jack when you found out you were pregnant with Piper? How old were you?

Jack was 7 months old, and I was 21.

What was your reaction toward your second pregnancy?

We were excited. Piper came a little quicker than we expected, but we wanted them to be close in age.

Describe your adjustment to life with two little ones.

I think that the adjustment from one to two was harder than the adjustment from two to three. I had to learn to multitask. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I had to share my attention between two babies. It was hard and very draining at first, but I got the hang of it and it became very fun. I enjoyed having two children who could play together and help entertain each other.

Baby Blessing #3

How old was Jack and how old was Piper when you found out you were pregnant with Wyatt?

How old were you?

Jack was 21 months, Piper was 7 months, and I was 23.

What was your reaction toward your third pregnancy?

Wyatt was a huge surprise. We were planning to wait a couple of years before having our third child. I was very worn out from going through two consecutive pregnancies and having to care for two children under two years old.

How old were you when Wyatt was born?

I was 23.

How has life been with three little ones? Describe your “typical” day (even though every day can be different).

Our life is chaotic but fun. Sometimes I feel as though I'm not going to make it through the day without having a breakdown, but the smiles, hugs, and giggles somehow get me through. I'm usually up between 5:00 and 6:00 feeding Wyatt. I get another hour or so of sleep before the older two wake up. We have breakfast between 7:30 and 8:30 and play around the house for an hour or two. After that we go outside for a walk and to play on the playground across the street or meet friends at a park or at someone's home for a play date. We eat lunch at 12:00 and Jack and Piper go down for a nap at 1:00. I get to spend one on one time with Wyatt, get some things done around the house, and spend time in the Word while they nap. Jack and Piper wake up from their nap around 3:30 and have a snack. Wyatt spends time in his swing, and Jack and Piper play in the living room or on the back patio while I make dinner and do a little more cleaning. Cameron gets home by 5:30, and we eat dinner soon after. Cameron walks us through a passage of scripture while we eat dinner. It isn't lengthy or in depth, but this is the only time we can get the kids to sit still for an extended period of time. We spend time playing as a family before the kids go to bed at 8:00. Cameron reads Jack a story from The Jesus Storybook Bible, and I rock Piper to sleep. After that, Cameron and I get a couple of hours to ourselves and with

Wyatt before bed.

What are comments, positive or negative, you hear as a young (and stunning J) mother of three little ones?

No one believes that I have three kids. If my kids aren't with me, people tend to think I'm a high school student and are shocked to find out that I'm married with three kids. When I'm out with my kids I'm usually mistaken for their babysitter or nanny. I get a lot of pity glances and comments like, "Wow! You have your hands full!" People constantly offer me help and ask if I'm ok.

How do you respond to negative comments?

I'm usually pretty understanding because, let's face it, I really do look like I'm 16. I sometimes laugh it off or say something like, "It's busy, but it's a lot of fun!"

What would you want to say to someone who makes negative comments?

I'd like to explain that I am happily married and really enjoy having three awesome kids. I would also like to explain that my life is not mine to live selfishly. I'm not wasting my twenties being a mom. I take my job seriously. Cameron and I are working hard to raise godly men and women who will greatly impact the church and the world. I am not perfect and sometimes I look crazy and make a scene in the grocery store, but I've devoted my life to this and deeply desire to succeed.

What sacrifices have you made in order to stay at home with your children? How do you feel about making those sacrifices?

We have had to make a lot of sacrifices. We live on an extremely tight budget. We don't have the funds for a lot of extra things. We don't get to take vacations, eat out a lot, or do fun things like go to the movies, but we have decided that these sacrifices are worth making. I'm so thankful to be able to stay home with my kids. I'm glad that I am the one who is responsible for teaching them and loving them during the day. I would not want to leave that up to someone else. Don't get me wrong, I do sometimes get bummed that we can't do some of the things that other families get to do, but I have to remind myself why I am doing this. When I remember the benefits of staying home, I am more than happy to make these sacrifices for the good of my kids.

Additional Advice and Encouragement

What is the most important lesson you have learned as a mother?

I've learned a lot about myself. I am shown every day just how selfish and sinful I am. It has been such a sanctifying season of life, and I am very thankful for that. It's not easy and I fail a ton, but I've seen growth in many areas of my life and that is encouraging and hopeful.

Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you would want to do differently or that you would change?

I struggle a lot with regret. I over analyze a lot of what I do, and it's really hard to not nitpick everything that I do and feel like a failure. But, I have to remind myself that I am being sanctified and ultimately the Lord is in control of my life and my kids' lives. He has us all in his hands. I cannot be perfect no matter how hard I try and He gets more glory when I lean on Him in my imperfection than if I try to do everything on my own.

What is your advice to other moms who may not view children as a blessing?

I would encourage them to try to look at their life as not their own to live as they want. Take on the role of a servant. This is what is glorifying to the Lord. It with ultimately bring you more satisfaction than living selfishly or doing the easy thing. Children are a lot of work. It is both physically and emotionally draining to raise children, but we are called to be fruitful. The Lord has promised blessing for those who are obedient. We are to love and cherish our children as Jesus does. They are made in his image.

What are you and Cameron doing to invest spiritually into the lives of your children?

We try to talk about God and scripture whenever we can. We read a story from The Jesus Storybook Bible every night before bed. I HIGHLY recommend this book to parents with young children. We pray with them and for them. Cameron reads a small passage of scripture at dinner and we have a short, simple discussion about it. When we discipline them, we remind them that when they obey mommy and daddy they are obeying God and that pleases Him, and when they disobey mommy and daddy, they sin against God. We have also started to work on memory verses with our oldest. He is not quite three years old, so it takes a long time and we have to pick simple verses, but we want him to start this discipline young. We try to be honest with them and apologize to them when we are wrong. We do not want them to have a legalistic view of Christianity and we want them to see that we need Jesus just as much as they do. We also want to encourage honesty and transparency. We want to model confession and repentance for them and emphasize the importance of it.

How do you and Cameron protect your marriage in the midst of raising three beautiful babies?

We have to set aside time for dates, alone time, and time together in the Word. We try really hard to protect this time because we know that we need it. We have such a great community who is always offering to babysit for us and help out. We try to discuss things ahead of time and make sure we are on the same page with things like discipline and nutrition. We want our kids to see us as a team and never see us arguing or disagreeing in front of them.

What do you wish people knew about you as a mother?

I want people to know that I am very far from perfect. I fail constantly. I disappoint myself and my family, I sin, I get frustrated and angry... The list goes on and on. I have days that are so discouraging that I don't think that I am cut out to be a mom, and I feel like giving up. I don't want people to think that I have it all together. If I do seem successful in any way, it is ONLY by God's grace. He deserves the glory, not me.

What would your response be to the question, “How do you do it?” in regards to being a mom of three small children?

It is truly only by the grace of God. He gives me the strength to keep going when I don't think I can. And, again, I don't do it perfectly. I fail constantly and am able to lean on Him for grace and strength.

Thank you, Erica, for giving us a glimpse into your heart and home. I appreciate your honesty, and I have been challenged to press into Christ for strength each day. May God continue to be glorified as you sacrifice moment by moment to point your children to everlasting joy in Jesus.