Stephen and I were married for almost four and a
half years before having kids. We weren't trying to be a Dual Income, No Kids
family, but that’s the way it was for much longer than we expected. There were
times I actually ached for a baby of my own, but month after month I found
myself with no baby to rejoice over, no news to share. "What's wrong with
me?" became the question I continually mulled over in my mind as we
waited, sometimes impatiently, for a baby.
I was asked numerous times
something to this effect: "When are y'all going to jump on the baby
bandwagon?" People didn’t realize I desperately wanted to be on that
bandwagon, but an honest answer isn't what they wanted to hear in passing:
"Oh, yes, children. We’ve been trying but just haven't been successful
yet.” It hurt to watch as women around me, even ones who were married for less
time, were being blessed with babies. I struggled to rejoice outwardly with the
women in my life because I was inwardly saying, "Pick me, Lord."
You see, we didn’t wait
because we wanted to have more money in the bank, a house, or more time
together. We did think it would be ideal to have children after I graduated,
but we were seeking soft hearts to the Lord’s will. A few years passed by with
no baby, so we stepped up our game. I received medical advice, personal advice,
unsolicited advice, and to no avail. We weren’t waiting to have a baby because
we wanted to wait. We had to wait as God
taught me that He is the One in control of my womb (Genesis 18:13-14; 20:17-18;
21:1-2; 25:21; 29:31; 30:2; 30:22; Deuteronomy 28:11; 30:9; 1 Samuel 1:5-6;
1:19-20; Psalm 113:9; Matthew 1:18; 1:23; Luke 1:24-25; 1:34-37; Hebrews 11:11).
I know other couples who
yearn for and pursue a baby blessing, some for much longer than we did, and I
sympathize with them. The defeat and discouragement month after month was
difficult as I wrestled with this simple truth: God is good.
“He who did not spare his
own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously
give us all things?” Romans 8:32
The Father gave up His Son
for me. Christ willingly suffered for and secured victory over my sin.
Remembering that God took care of my greatest need, my need for a Savior,
helped me trust Him in the waiting then and helps me trust Him in the waiting
now because all of life’s seasons include waiting. My prayer is that I will
wait well in the present and bring glory to my great God.
