One Thing I’ve Never Regretted

Throughout my life, I have hoped in various people, possessions, and passions, which led to immense amounts of regret. It wasn’t until the summer of 2005 my hope was placed in Jesus. Even after transferring my trust to Him, I found myself still vainly pursuing the pleasures of this world, racking up additional regrets. In each new circumstance of life, and moment by moment, I am faced with the decision to trust in God or trust in an idol. As a mother, the struggle is present daily.

Should I trust in:

·         myself

·         my emotions

·         my fears

·         friendships

·         this mom

·         that doctor

·         the newest book I’m reading

·         marriage

·         motherhood

·         the past

·         the present

·         the future

·         control

·         a clean home

·         opinions others hold about me

·         our bank account

·         health

·         my (currently nonexistent) career

I second, and then triple, guess every decision I make as a mom, terrified that I’m going to ruin my little guy in some way. I endlessly compare myself to other moms and my baby to other babies. I am ragged after running after the impossible to reach standard I’ve raised in my mind. Letting my trust terminate on anything in the list above always disappoints or leads to despair because those things cannot sustain me, especially not during seasons of suffering. When I place my hope in the things of this world, whether it takes minutes or months, I will say, “I wish I had not trusted in ______________. I wish I had hoped in God.”

My heart has been heavy the past few days after receiving news of a local family enduring unimaginable grief. Their current sorrow has reminded me to look to my Rock and my Refuge.

In times of tragedy, triumph, or tedious monotony, I’ve never regretted hoping in God. The phrase, “It would have been better if I had not hoped in God,” is not one I have uttered. When I hope in Him, I am always humbly able to say, “I do not regret hoping in the One who is always faithful and who holds my life in His hands. I do not regret trusting the Potter, for I am His clay.” I believe He will bring beauty from brokenness and a new song for my heart to sing.  

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

Psalm 62:5-8

Though our God can seem far away at times, the truth is He’s a refuge for His people. We can hope in Him, and we won’t regret it. 

Why I Know I Should be a Mom

I could tell you all the reasons why I shouldn't be a mom. My list could stretch on, growing in length daily. The problem with this envisioned list is that it eludes reality.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

Thinking about what is true is one of the biggest battles in my mind. I often let my thoughts race to dwell on scenarios that did not happen, have not happened, and (most likely) will not happen. I meditate on an alternative reality instead of actuality. I ponder the numerous what-ifs of the past, present, and future, with the main question on my mind being, “What if I wasn't a mom?” I mean, I’m not very skilled in the areas of patience and selflessness. Am I supposed to be a mom?

Well, the truth is I am a mom; therefore, I can answer the question, “Am I supposed to be a mom?” in the affirmative. God has, in His infinite wisdom, chosen me to be a mother for His glory. This is what is true. Being a mom is one part of my reality, a piece for which I am growing in thankfulness each day.

Since I am a mom, I shouldn't be focusing my heart on the reasons why I shouldn't be a mother. By the power of God’s Spirit in me, I need to be directing my heart to worship in my reality. If someone were to ask how I knew I should be a mom, I can respond that I did not always know if I should due to my multitude of shortcomings, but I now know without a doubt that I should be simply because I am.

So, if you are a mother struggling with this beautiful aspect of your life, uncertain in this calling of motherhood (even if only for fleeting moments), be encouraged by the truth that the gospel is always sufficient. Trusting in the perfect life of Christ, His death for our sins, and His victorious resurrection secures our holiness for all eternity. The truth for you is that Christ’s blood was shed for your every sin and you are never condemned in Him. The truth is that God did not make a mistake in blessing you with children. This is glorious news on the days when we fail to fix our eyes on the One who prepares us and provides for us as moms. Falling short of the glory of God as Christian moms is not meant to drive us to despair, doubting our reality. Instead, we look to Christ, seek truth, and dwell on truth, praising our great and glorious God for how He has called and equipped us for our reality.