When Motherhood is Marked by Trials: An Interview with Beth Powell

Kevin and Beth were part of the first community group Stephen and I attended together at Remedy Church. Simply being in Beth’s presence put me at ease as I was saturated in the truth she always spoke. It has been six years since we were part of that community group, and I have not taken advantage of the wealth of wisdom that Beth possesses. When I made a list of moms I wanted to interview and learn from, Beth was one of the first to come to my mind. She graciously said yes to being interviewed, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow in Christ as a result of Beth sharing her journey through motherhood. I am humbled by the grace that characterizes Beth in the times of joy and in the tribulations. Though trials are not the only trait of parenthood for Kevin and Beth, they have experienced difficult circumstances and have continued to glorify Christ. I hope you are encouraged by Beth’s beautiful story, too.

Background

How did you and Kevin meet?

We met doing the play Two Thieves and a Savior with NarroWay Productions. I was twelve years old and actually met Kevin’s whole family.

How long did you date before Kevin proposed? How long was your engagement?

We dated for seven years. I know. It felt like I dated him my whole life. We were engaged for a year.

How old were you when you got married? How old was Kevin?

I was 22, and Kevin was 23.

Describe the season of life each of you were in as newlyweds.

Crazy. Insane. We were both in school studying Christian Education and working full-time. We had good jobs, but Kevin lost his job soon after we got married. He did side jobs until starting a new job about three months later. We got pregnant very quickly, and I got sick 7 months along but kept working anyways.

What were your thoughts about having children before you and Kevin got married? Did you always want children? When did you want the children to come? Did you want to have your children close together?

Kevin wanted a big family since he came from a family with six children. We decided on three kids. We didn’t know how soon we wanted kids, but we did want them close. They ended up being a lot closer than we expected.

What dreams/goals/accomplishments did you and Kevin want to achieve before having children? Were there any dreams/goals/accomplishments that had to be delayed? What were your feelings about this? Have those feelings changed?

We both wanted to finish school and settle into being married. We dated for so long, which made us feel more ready for the next step. We were both close to finishing school, but because of Isabella we had to postpone. I’m still one semester, just four credits, away from graduating. I’ve thought about going back to school, especially in this season with the girls in school. I am such a perfectionist. Having things undone is stressful for me, but I look at things differently now because of all that has happened. God has provided, and I’m reminded that I’m not defined as a wife or mom by a degree.

Baby Blessing #1

How long were you married before finding out you were pregnant with Olivia?

We had been married a month.

What was your initial reaction toward pregnancy and a coming baby?

I was scared. I cried. I was freaked out about the timing. I came down the stairs bawling. Kevin was in the middle of a conference call, which he quickly ended to ask what was wrong. I was still crying as I told him I was pregnant, but he was so excited.  

What other thoughts and reactions did you experience prior to Olivia’s arrival?

After the initial shock wore off, I became very excited and loved the idea of having a baby.

Did you experience any complications when you were pregnant with Olivia?

I had preeclampsia when I was eight months pregnant, and Olivia was born at 34 weeks.

Describe your adjustment to motherhood.

We hadn’t even had a baby shower, so we didn’t have anything for Olivia. Our family bought everything we needed and brought the car seat to the hospital. Motherhood was a surreal feeling. I didn’t have a lot of time to adjust because everything was so quick and abrupt.

Did having a baby affect your marriage? If so, in what ways?

Yeah. All things combined (still adjusting to marriage, a new baby, Kevin’s new job) really affected our marriage. We just didn’t have much alone time being married.

Baby Blessing #2

How old was Olivia when you found out you were pregnant with Isabella?

Olivia was nine months old.

What was your reaction toward your second pregnancy?

I was happy, but it was just comical. I was kind of like, “Okay God.”

What complications arose during your pregnancy with Isabella?

I was admitted to the hospital when I was 21 weeks pregnant and put on hospitalized bed rest until 24 weeks. I had preeclampsia again. My blood pressure was so high the doctors were scared I would have seizures.

How long was Isabella in the hospital before you were able to bring her home?

She was born at 24 weeks and stayed in the hospital for 4 months.

Why did Isabella have to be in the hospital for so long?

She was just 15 ounces when she was born. All of her organs weren’t fully developed, and she had difficulty eating since her digestive system wasn’t fully developed.

How did you feel when you were apart from Isabella?

It was extremely difficult to be away from Bella, and I was very emotional. Even when we were with her, we couldn’t directly touch her because of how fragile her skin was. We had to wear rubber gloves to change her. We didn’t want to be away from Bella, but we also didn’t want to leave Olivia, so we took turns and family helped. I also was having to pump to be able to take Bella milk, and one week I worked so hard to pump 20 little bottles. The milk had to be frozen that we took to the hospital, so I had been putting it in the freezer. The freezer was left cracked open overnight, so the milk thawed out and I had to throw away all of that milk. I lost it at this point. I broke down because I couldn’t provide the milk Bella needed and had to sign a waiver for donor milk to be given to her.

What were your thoughts and feelings when you were finally able to bring her home?

Such a weight was lifted when we brought her home on Father’s Day. We were excited but nervous. This was still a whole new experience for us. Bella only weighed 4 pounds and her immune system was not as strong since she was a preemie.

Life with Baby Blessings

Describe your adjustment to life with two little ones.

Ours was never normal (only normal to us). Bella had 9 therapies a week, and Olivia had an interventionist. I was working part-time when Bella came home but went back to working full-time. We had two in diapers, and they were in diapers longer than other kids. Our marriage suffered as my extra attention went to the girls. I literally had nothing to give Kevin.

Share whatever you feel comfortable about your journey to the diagnosis of autism for Olivia.

Olivia being diagnosed with autism was the most pivotal part of my adult life. It was worse for me than everything that happened with Bella. Olivia was the one thing in my life that was stable, so the diagnosis completely took me off guard. Olivia had started talking and was doing all things on schedule until one day she just stopped. She wouldn’t use her words anymore around the time she was a year and a half old. She started having terrible fits where she would bang her head on the wall and scratch her face. We were so focused on caring for Bella, so at first we weren’t sure if Olivia was acting out because of that. We noticed that it seemed like she was in reverse. She stopped eating certain foods and lost all interaction with us. We decided to have her assessed, but we didn’t think it would be anything serious. She was two years old at the time. I was very angry when we received the results of the assessments as all the emotions from our circumstances with Bella and Olivia seemed to rise to the surface at once. We just caved in to ourselves and stopped socializing for a time.

What interventions did Olivia receive?

Olivia received occupational and speech therapy.

What interventions did Isabella receive?

Isabella had an occupational, physical, and speech therapist. The early interventionist worked on motor skills first before speech.

Describe your “typical” week when the girls were younger.

I was working full-time, so I scheduled therapy on my days off. If I couldn’t be off work, the girls had therapy at their grandmother’s house. We didn’t socialize as much because we didn’t have the time and because we had simply retreated. I’m just not good at dealing with things or asking for help. It was a very lonely and hard season. I didn’t know what to ask for because I didn’t know what I needed, but I was doing the best I could. 

Describe your “typical” week now.

Very redeeming. A breath of fresh air. After going through such a big valley, things are awesome right now. The girls are both in school. Olivia has three days of speech and an autism specialist works on social skills with her two times a week in class. Bella has been dismissed from receiving interventions for now until she is reassessed. I’m dying to myself more, and I’m learning to be okay with the mess and imperfection. There are still crazy times and hard seasons, but I would describe it as a messy beautiful.

What are some of your girls’ accomplishments you weren’t sure you would be able to celebrate?

Their personalities are so big. Most of the time for kids with autism, you don’t get to see their personalities. We also weren’t sure how much speech Olivia would have, but she is speaking well and has gotten the resources she needed to make progress. For Bella, we just weren’t sure what to expect. With preemies, respiratory and immune system problems can arise, but Bella is healthy, never sick, and so full of life. 

How long did you work outside the home after the girls were born?

Bella was born in 2010, and I stopped working in February of 2012.

Why did you decide to stay home?

I felt like the amount of time I was spending away could be better used to do stuff with the girls, such as continue the work of the therapists. I wanted to have the time to love on them like they needed. I desired to dedicate and allocate the time to getting them caught up, and I had the opportunity to stay home and not everyone does.

What sacrifices have you made in order to stay at home? How do you feel about making those sacrifices?

We don’t make as many sacrifices as we probably should. If I were still working, we could go on more trips and would have more options. We have to be more selective about what to do with our money. I honestly feel fine because the benefits outweigh the sacrifice as I get to know my girls and their personalities in a way I couldn’t if I were still working. I don’t want to guilt anyone who isn’t able to be home. I played both sides by working outside the home and now being home, and it was beneficial to my kids for me to be home.

What have you enjoyed the most about being a mom?

Experiencing all the cool stuff they do has been great. It’s mind blowing caring so much for another human being. I’m more emotional and open with them. They bring it out and are the catalyst to the best parts of me that I don’t get to share with others. Also, having girls is just fun, and they’re fun to dress.

What has been your biggest struggle?

Battling the question, “Am I doing enough for them and as a mom?” I struggle with comparing myself to other moms. I constantly need to remind myself that what one mom does for her child is different than what we need to do because our circumstances are different.

Additional Advice and Encouragement

What is the most important lesson you have learned as a mother?

Always be prepared for things to go differently than you want them to.

How has God used your children to change your heart? Describe how He has changed you and is changing you.

God has used my girls to show me that there are areas where I need to grow, such as trusting Him. He has grown that trust.

Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you would want to do differently or that you would change?

I would change the amount of help and community we allowed in our lives during the hard times.

What is your advice to other moms who don’t have children with special needs?

Keep an open mind. Talk at home with your children about differences without stigmatizing and while embracing the differences. God made us different, but we are loved the same. Answer your kids truthfully without dismissing the questions they have.   

What encouragement would you give to moms who have children with special needs?

Always seek to find your normal, specific to you. Don’t compare your house/family to others. Seek your normal and thrive off that.

What are you and Kevin doing to invest spiritually into the lives of your girls?

Olivia is reading now, so she reads a devotional before bed. We try to encourage them with opportunities to apply what they are learning. With Operation Christmas Child and this season where giving is emphasized, we look for teachable moments. We tell the girls how we give because God gave us His Son. We are working on living out the Gospel practically in life with the girls.

How do you and Kevin protect your marriage in the midst of raising your little ones?

We spend a lot of time together. The girls still go to bed pretty early, so we use that time to talk and be with one another. We call each other during the day to check in. We schedule date nights and date one another. We communicate. Our marriage is the best right now that it’s ever been.

How do you pursue Christ day to day?

I’m not perfect in this area either, but I’m learning how to constantly be in pursuit of Christ and not relying on Beth Powell who wants to do things in her own strength. I’ve had to dedicate myself and make every effort. I preach to myself on a daily basis, even on the days it’s hard to believe the Gospel. I keep telling myself truth.

What would your response be to the question, “How do you do it?” in regards to being a mom who has experienced great trials?

There’s a lot of grace that goes into parenting. I accept the grace God has given that covers all I’m tripping over. We’ve also been blessed with families that live close and who help us in so many ways.

Thank you, Beth, for stepping out of your comfort zone to bless us with your story. Your vulnerability, grace filled responses, and desire to honor God as a mother encourage me to hope in Christ. May God continue to be glorified as you sacrifice moment by moment to point your children to everlasting joy in Jesus.   

Making the Most of 5 Minutes

In this fast paced society, we are all so busy. By the end of the day, parents can feel guilty about not taking advantage of the limited time we have with our kids.

In our home, we decided to take a familiar concept and adjust it to fit the needs of a family. Pretty much everyone I know has been to at least one bridal shower where guests contributed date night ideas by writing activities on popsicle sticks that the newlyweds could do together in the future. Instead of date night excursions, families can come up with short activities to do each night, once a week, etc.

If your children are old enough, they can share their thoughts. You can color the end of each popsicle stick a different color for each member of the family as you all write down ideas and alternate whose activity you do.

Infants and Toddlers

·         take a walk in the backyard and talk about the plants and animals you see

·         dance

·         if you own a guitar or keyboard, play a song for your kids

Young Children

·         do coin rubbings using crayons and paper and talk about the value of the coins

·         play Tic-Tac-Toe

·         choose a category (plants, animals, food, etc.) and make Play-Doh items that fit into that category

  

At our son’s one year birthday party, we set out the popsicle sticks and asked our family and friends to share their ideas with us.  We now have a container full of activities we can do together.

Easy Fall Craft

I am not a crafty person (at all), but I just finished a simple fall display that is both cheap and charming! If you have older children and are looking for a fall project to complete together, they can assist with some of the steps.

Step 1. I bought wooden blocks (with a 40% off coupon) at Hobby Lobby. Using thin painters tape, I spelled out FALL on four of the blocks.

Step 2. We had some leftover brown spray paint from a previous project, so I spray painted all six faces of the blocks. (I painted five of the faces first. When the paint was dry to the touch, I painted the remaining face.) After the paint was dry, I peeled off the tape.

Step 3. I used red, orange, and yellow markers to color in the letters, but I lightly colored over the letters with the red marker at the end. I put the blocks on the small table by our front door with a petite pumpkin a friend gave to us.

Step 4. I purchased some 40% off fall garland from Hobby Lobby, cut a small portion off, and wrapped it around the blocks.

That’s it. An inexpensive and aesthetically pleasing fall display for your home.

From Bitter to Blessed: An Interview with Danielle Stocker

Danielle Stocker. How can I write about her without sounding like I idolize this breathtaking bombshell? As a mom, I aspire to be like her in so many ways. When I was teaching, I was able to go over to the Stocker home on Monday afternoons. The conversations, company, and coffee were always impeccable. Simply having the opportunity to live life alongside her, watching her joyfully love and serve her husband and two small children, was such a blessing to me. Danielle was open, honest, and vulnerable about the struggles of being a mom. I knew from these sweet Monday afternoons that bitterness had once clouded her perception of motherhood, but I also knew that our gracious God had lifted the clouds and turned bitterness into blessing. I asked her to share her story, and she kindly obliged. Perhaps you are a mom currently wrestling with resentment toward the children you are rearing. Even if you are reveling in every moment as a mom, my hope is that this post will point our hearts to the perfect Parent who always lavishes love on His children.

Background

How did you and TJ meet?

TJ and I met at our old church, now known as Calvary Chapel Charlotte. This dream boat was running sound and helping with all the random man things that the church needed.

Why did you two decide to start dating?

Our friends awkwardly introduced and reintroduced and reintroduced us… Until we decided (read: caved) to see what all the fuss was about. I did pull a Ruth and Boaz eventually though, because he was just not quite engaging at the, um, speed(?) that I felt things should be progressing. Please hold your gasps at my uncharacteristic impatience.

How long did you date before TJ proposed? How long was your engagement?

I feel like this requires a longer conversation since there were some real consequences to these decisions, but we dated for a few months, decided together that we wanted to get married as soon as possible, and were married within 7 months of the beginning of our relationship.

How old were you when you got married? How old was TJ?

I was 23 and TJ was 24.

Describe the season of life each of you were in as newlyweds.

I was attending college at Winthrop and working part time for my parents. TJ was a college graduate, and additionally, a young and handsome construction project manager at his dad’s business. We were living in the house that we live in now, but before the renovations, so, humble digs. We both loved Jesus but had an infinite amount of growing to do. I mean. We got schooled- quickly.

What were your thoughts about having children before you and TJ got married? Did you always want children? When did you want the children to come? Did you want to have your children close together?

We wanted children, in fact, we knew everything about how we were going to raise children, more specifically, how we weren’t going to raise them. <<young and proud though>> Since we had such a short dating/engagement, we wanted to wait a few years. But, yes, the plan was to have them close together, eventually. We even knew we wanted to name our first son Judah Michael.  

Did your thoughts about having children change? If so, how did they change?

Nope, we wanted them, still wanted to wait, but we were shocked when we got pregnant 7 months after our wedding. So, that was really tough. Mainly for me. TJ was cheesy excited.

What dreams/goals/accomplishments did you and TJ want to achieve before having children? Were there any dreams/goals/accomplishments that had to be delayed? What were your feelings about this? Have those feelings changed?

This is a big question so cut this if you want. But I wanted to finish my teaching degree and spend at least one summer in Barcelona immersing myself in the gorgeous language and culture. We wanted to save a bunch of money. We wanted to enjoy each other and all that newlywed-dom meant… Obviously this was all delayed.

Looking back at my bitter sentiments I feel like I have a renewed perspective. I see now that the Lord used Gabriella to essentially save our marriage. I was in a really tough place, dealing with a ton of emotion about the candidness of marriage. I couldn’t hide anymore. TJ knew me. Entirely. And that scared me. But I matured a ton in those 9 months, and obviously even more so since then. I see the value in what my kids have offered me. They are my Achilles heel. God has shown me my ugliest sin through them. Which is a gift, right? They are my olive press. TJ too, obviously. But he is much gentler with me.

Baby Blessing #1

How long were you married before finding out you were pregnant with Gabriella?

7 months.

What was your initial reaction toward pregnancy and a coming baby?

I was, honestly, bitter. I mourned for a good part of my pregnancy. I regret that. But I was crushed because I was so close to the college degree-and career start finish line. I know now that these feelings were deeply rooted in proving myself to my family and even myself. I felt like I was failing.

What other thoughts and reactions did you experience prior to Gabriella’s arrival?

Anxiety. I thought I was going to mess her up. I knew I had so few things figured out from my own childhood, I was just so concerned about how to do all the mom-things. I read A TON of books. All the books. Seriously. If you need a book on anything baby related. Call me.

Describe your adjustment to motherhood.

Girl. It felt, roughly, like that scene from the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy smacks her head just as the tornado takes up her house and she watches #allthescary whirl wildly past her window. Like that. (But still, have kids. It gets better, promise.)

Did having a baby affect your marriage? If so, in what ways?

It did. We were also living with TJ’s parents (they're sincerely the sweetest and most generous people) at the time because we had started to work on the house. But it was a really hard time for our marriage. We had done so little life together, I remember many whispering arguments. Also, postpartum recovery was unbelievable with Gabriella. I was broken for so long after she was born.

Baby Blessing #2

How old was Gabriella when you found out you were pregnant with Judah?

7 months.

What was your reaction toward your second pregnancy?

Shock. Again. Ha! We do know how babies are made. I think. But I was all, “Hey, we’re already in this thing pretty deep. What’s one more?”

Describe your adjustment to life with two little ones.

I feel like reflecting this way is bringing to light just how tough the first 3 years of our marriage were, because having Gabs and Judah 16 months apart was very hard on us. Hard on my body. Hard on our marriage. Seriously, it felt like we got sanctified in a microwave. Jesus taught us so much through the house renovations, through living with family with a newborn, through 2 kids only 16 months apart. But we built up a pool of some great stories. It was hysterical at times. Gabs was a handful. She had me busy. Thankfully, Judah slept for the first 6 months of his life. So I had the two hands I needed to keep her out of extra trouble. I still missed a few classic moments though, like that time that she clumsily pumped the hand sanitizer into her mouth, and then the time she drank the laundry stain remover. Or the time she literally painted her bedroom with Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.  I promise she wasn’t neglected, she was just crazy fast.  I eventually just saved Poison Control’s number into my phone.

Baby Blessing #3

How old was Gabriella and how old was Judah when you found out you were pregnant with Luca?

We slowed down. Gabs was 4 and Judah was 3.

What was your reaction toward your third pregnancy?

Actually, Luca was planned, so I was super relieved and excited once we were finally pregnant.

How did you help prepare Gabriella and Judah for Luca’s arrival?

Gabriella had been begging us for another sibling for the longest time, so she was game immediately. Judah took some time to warm up to the idea. But we kept talking about the baby and all of his needs and how busy mommy would be once he arrived.

How have Gabriella and Judah responded to Luca?

Gabriella has completely fallen for the chubby love. She is adorably affectionate and attentive toward him. She has been such an amazing and unexpected help through the transition. But Judah has taken much longer to warm up to Luca. In his own way Judah takes care of him too. He always reminds me that he needs to eat or he will walk by and pat the baby’s head and say things like “I love our baby” or he shows him off and asks people if they would  “like to see our baby.” And then I melt.

Even though Luca is super chill, he still requires extra attention, energy, and time. What have you and TJ been able to do to make sure Gabriella and Judah don’t feel excluded.

Well, foolishly we signed Judah up for soccer this past Spring just because I was so upset with how distant and lost he seemed to be in the shuffle and adjustment. He was having a hard time. He wouldn’t cuddle with me. That was so painful. I don’t think I realized how hard it would be on them. Like, I needed to fill their little love buckets while recovering from childbirth, taking care of a newborn and then recovering from the surprise appendectomy. It was a challenging and emotional 4 months. But I have made a habit of asking the kids to participate in baby care now, though. Partly out of necessity but also because they seem to light up when they are needed. We do try to give them one on one time when we can, especially at bed time.

Describe your “typical” day (even though every day can be different).

Typically, up at 6, 6:30- in the kitchen, prepping coffee and breakfast, Gabs and Judah have just started kindergarten and preschool, so we leave the house for school around 7:20- and then I get to come home, sometimes walk with a friend, and then I have some coffee and quiet time. Mostly I spend the day with Luca, eating him up and embracing every ounce of distraction he offers. And finally, after 3 kids, I found a baby wrap that I love, so often I am wearing Luca while I do all the things. In between his naps we do house chores, run errands, usually are doing something for or with somebody, plan whatever party/trip is coming up next (we are eternally hosting or planning something), and then I try to have dinner ready before I pick up the kids at 2:15. I spend a little while hearing about their day, getting them snacks and settled at home. They (sometimes) help me empty the dishwasher, put away their laundry (if I got that far), watch a couple cartoons, and then eat dinner around 5. Luca gets a little demanding in the evening so I have to hold him more and then feed him a veggie or fruit when we sit down for dinner. At this point the kids smell like damp puppies so they get a bath, and TJ is usually home by 6 so we read to them and pray and cuddle and put them all to bed, staggered between 6:45-7:45. Then we clean up the kitchen, prep for the next day, sit down and talk, read, or do some work on the random house things that are falling apart, or sometimes nothing at all, because exhaustion.

What are comments, positive or negative, you hear as a mother of three little ones?

I think the most challenging commentary is the one that would suggest that my children are or will be neglected in one way or another… Because I guess I have a philosophy now that is in conflict with our culture. But God calls the fruit of your youth a blessing- and that they are like arrows in the hand of a warrior. So sure, we have 3 kids, our budget is tight, our car is bursting at the seams. But I just don’t think that it’s wise for kids to think that they are the center of the universe. It’s untrue. I want them to learn to share, to do with less, to live well- with people.

How do you respond to negative comments?

I just do my best to accept that people are full of opinions. I was/am full of opinions. I like when people agree with me so it’s frustrating sometimes when they don’t see the beauty in our chaos.

What would you want to say to someone who makes negative comments?

I guess I would like to say that our choices- all of them, just because we chose them- that doesn’t mean that I think loving Christ and raising a family only looks one way… For us, this is what we have been given and this is how we are doing it, always prayerfully and carefully, stewarding our resources. Be intentional about yours, enjoy the freedom you have there, be diverse, look different, and seek out ways to embrace and even enjoy the spectrum.

What sacrifices have you made in order to stay at home with your children? How do you feel about making those sacrifices?

Obviously one income means less finances. So we don't have the most luxurious life. We are home, cooking in our kitchen, in the house that I love, the one that my husband and our fathers built, or with our family and friends in their homes most of the time. We have to wait a while, well at least from an American perspective, for the better and the new and the more. But the older I get, the more excited I get about contentment with this lifestyle. Because it means Jesus has done work here. I see something sweet about the inability to constantly pacify our material dreams. It’s character building. And truthfully, I feel like I live like royalty most days. My pantry is always full. My children are always dressed in beautiful clothes, mostly bought by their generous grandparents, clothes that we use until they are too tight and I have had to patch the holes. My car's gas tank has never run dry. There's always fresh ground coffee in the French Press. I mean, what more could a girl want? If He clothes the lilies, won't He clothe me? And even if those things dwindled or dried up, God is our real sustenance, and I trust that He would make provisions, whatever that would look like.

Additional Advice and Encouragement

What is the most important lesson you have learned as a mother?

Maybe so far I would say that I’ve learned that when I fall on my face, when I break and lose it and snap at my family, and I do, that there is so much beauty in how God redeems those moments. Every time that I repent in front of my children, they get to see the gospel. It’s one of the few perks of being so broken- because these children get to see what repentance looks like regularly and also, they get front row seats to the anchoring joy in knowing Christ.

How has God used your children to change your heart? Describe how He has changed you and is changing you.

He has shown me glimpses of the eternal value that my children offer my life. And since they are the first set of unbelievers that I have ever had the opportunity to pursue like this, I am learning and always trying to consider and reconsider my actions toward them as opportunities to express the Gospel. (Sometimes realizing how they're not such a great expression of the Gospel.) Also, God has used my children as the primary vehicle for my sanctification. Thanks to the persistent and constant interactions of parenting, I have a very clear picture of how sinful I am. And I can honestly look back over the past 5 years and see such tremendous growth. He has done amazing work on this hard heart. I am quicker to repent and apologize, I have more patience, I am slower to anger, less frequently overwhelmed and frustrated, more strategic about how I parent, but still learning to rest in God’s ability to cover my stumbles. I still very much struggle with showing myself mercy in parenting, I try, so hard, to catch my mistakes and parent perfectly, which is obviously a laugh. A good laugh. But I am a recovering perfectionist, and maybe not so far into recovery...

Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you would want to do differently or that you would change?

Regrets. I am not sure you have that kind of time. Haha.

What is your advice to other moms who may not view children as a blessing?  

I feel like I spent the first couple years of parenting with that very perspective. SO my advice is to keep reading the things that scripture has to say about children, because honestly that was what changed my heart. Especially Psalm 127:3-5 and 139:13-16 and also John 16:21… I have also started to see the connection and reflection in how God delights in us and how we are called and given permission to delight in our children.

What are you and TJ doing to invest spiritually into the lives of your children?

We are always pouring into them. I know that’s vague but we really do consider raising our children the most serious job that we have. So it's constant. We do all that we can to talk about Jesus casually and also intentionally. We are fighting our sin in front of them and equally helping them to see their own. And TJ is an awesome reflection of God’s love to the kids. He is gentle and patient and slow to anger and he suffers long (bedtime though haha) and he is persistent and persevering, he truly lays his life down for his family and no job is below him. My children are getting such a special gift because they are being raised by my husband- Gabriella has thanked me so many times for marrying him. It's the sweetest thing.

How do you and TJ protect your marriage in the midst of raising your little ones?

Thankfully TJ and I are naturally like a couple of corny magnets. I mean, we have to separate at the beginning of the day, but by the end, the kids are in bed and we just naturally enjoy being together. So we do all the things together. We do dishes together. We pick up the house together. We sit on the couch and talk through our most current issues together. We watch shows together. We read together. We talk about my bible study questions together. We just started exercising together. I mean he is literally the most amazing man I have ever known. And obviously we have our issues, we have recurring sore spots in our marriage, but the Lord has given us so many tools to get through those moments, and we genuinely really enjoy being around one another. I'm so glad that it's so natural, because even though my kids dominate most of my time, and I would expect nothing less, when my kids leave home- I want TJ and I to be able to rest within the walls of a strong and beautiful marriage.

What do you wish people knew about you as a mother?

I feel like I leave so little mystery about who I am as a mother, especially after this interview, ha! So I can't imagine that there's anything you don't already know.

What would your response be to the question, “How do you do it?” in regards to being a mom of three small children?

I pray. I cry out to the Lord. I ask TJ to hold me. Haha! Mostly I embrace it more now than I used to. It's kind of like labor in a lot of ways. If you let go and give into the pain (quote by Jess Mueller), the progress is much smoother and way more efficient. It feels like that some days. Or pieces of some days. Bedtime, meal time, potty time. But it's also hilarious, and always changing and so sweet. All of these small Stockers are good for my heart. Also I find that I laugh more now, I laugh and then I take pictures, and if needed, then I deal with the discipline. I think that I pick my battles more now as well. And (this part doesn't always happen) on the days that my head is clear, I have built a habit of filtering my frustration through- is this battle-worthy, or is this just my preferences getting pushed around? That has helped a ton. And amazingly, I have great friends that pour into my heart and confirm and/or gently correct me when I need it.

Thank you, Danielle, for sharing the stresses and joys in your sanctifying journey through motherhood. I am humbled, encouraged, and challenged by your delight in God and the blessings He has given to you. May God continue to be glorified as you sacrifice moment by moment to point your children to everlasting joy in Jesus.